Marriage Isn’t Always Smooth, and Forgiveness Makes It Work

Author: Funmito Obafemi

Published: June 12, 2026

15 Years In: Marriage Isn’t Always Smooth, and Forgiveness Makes It Work

“One of the biggest challenges in our marriage was when we started having children. The first baby changes everything,” says Megan.

Fifteen years of marriage doesn’t happen by accident. For Megan, a Director of Marketing and a mother, it has taken forgiveness, hard conversations, and a willingness to keep choosing each other every day, even when it isn’t easy.

In this LoveLens interview, Megan opens up about the moment parenthood reshaped her marriage, how she balances her career with raising a family, and how her marriage has grown and changed over the years.

What’s the secret to a 15-year-old marriage? What makes it thrive?

Megan: Getting to a 15-year marriage, I would say that there’s a lot of forgiveness and giving of chances. There’s a lot of assuming the best in your partner, a lot of accountability, and high expectations.

You also need to communicate – the ability to say, “Hey, this isn’t measuring up to what I need, or I’m really struggling with this.” Having a partner who listens, adjusts, and changes helps a lot because you’re growing and learning together.

Although everything hasn’t been perfect and it hasn’t been a totally smooth road, we have always chosen to forgive, keep trying, dedicate our lives, and build each other. Ultimately, mutual respect, a couple of years of therapy, and professional help go a long way.

Was there a situation that required both of you to forgive each other?

Megan: Forgiveness can be big and small. There were phases of life where I felt he was self-centered, focused on his career, and was forgetting about the children and me. It took effort to remind him not to forget about us.

He was doing his best, but I didn’t fully see or understand that at the time and started to harbor some resentment, frustration, and anger. In those early years of our marriage and moments of conflict, I felt angry, but over time, we both learned how to have big feelings without letting them take over our relationship.

Ultimately, you can have these emotions, but forgiveness comes in letting it go. I’m speaking from a healthy relationship with a man who respects me in all of the other ways.

I acknowledge it doesn’t apply to unsafe relationships, obviously, but for me, forgiveness means not holding grudges or consistently remembering what your partner did to you 10 years ago. It’s a fresh start for me.

If I’m upset over a situation, we would work it through and forgive each other. It might happen again, but forgiveness is what makes it work.

How did you meet your partner?

Megan: We met in college. I lived in the same building as his friend, and we just met that way socially.

How long did you date before marrying him?

Megan: Two years.

What are your favorite things about him?

Megan: He’s hardworking. He grew up in the country and works until it’s done. He’s also very loyal and dedicated to us, our family, and our dreams.

Moreover, he’s funny. We’re opposites in a lot of ways, and so, it’s fun to push his buttons, and he’ll push mine.

What struck me when we were young was how kind, respectful, and loving he was. He was always trying. He’s one of those men who loves someone enough to change and adjust.

Plus, there’s always been a mutual respect in his heart. He’s a true feminist in every sense of the word, as he sees me as his partner and his equal. Overall, he loves, respects, and honors his side of our marriage.

You mentioned you were opposites. Has this caused challenges in your marriage? If yes, how?

Megan: Yes. I always tell him that he would be bored if he had married somebody who agreed with everything he said. We are opposites in our opinions. For example, he’s a people pleaser, and I’m not.

Also, there are times I disagree with his opinions. He would want someone to say stuff like “good point” to his opinion, but I’d be like, “No…that doesn’t make sense.”

Also, he takes a long time to warm up to people and may be more of a pessimist, but I’m an optimist. Overall, we balance each other out really well.

15 years down the line, what are some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced in your marriage?

Megan: I think there was a lot of disconnect at a time in our marriage. We went through a phase where it felt like we were living parallel lives. He was on his path, and I was on mine, both professionally and socially.

When we got married, we were best friends and did everything together. But six or seven years down the line, he’s focused on his career. And I have the children, my social life, and my career.

So, we were just living parallel, even though it wasn’t necessarily resulting in conflict all the time. We really had to work very hard to merge our lives back together. I always loved him, and he was always my best friend.

But there was a time when I would have chosen to hang out with a girlfriend or a group of friends over him. So, we really had to work hard to agree on when it makes sense to be separate.

Plus, I’m very independent and tend to do everything myself. I wouldn’t lean on him or ask him for things. It took lots of intention on my end to put our lives together.

We had to schedule date nights and prioritize each other’s time while still honoring and accepting our separate lives. I believe that’s healthy.

In short, we were really parallel for a long time, and we had to come back together. Once we did, our marriage definitely improved and entered the next stage of life, where we could keep going together.

You mentioned earlier that he was kind and loving when you met him. Did he exhibit those traits down the line in your marriage?

Megan: Yes. He handled things in a loving and respectful way. He is a big, strong, and masculine man, and he has handled that power with complete trust. He’s just safe and kind to me.

Even in our biggest fights or most heated moments, it’s never been a problem. He just knows how to resolve issues. Plus, I can be too harsh and blunt. But he has shown me to be kinder and resolve things in a more neutral way.

Also, he’s completely loyal and dedicated to our family, even though he came from a broken family and divorced parents. So, for him, he‘s a person who will do what it takes to stay together as much as possible. He’s shown me what dedication and love look like.

As a marketing director, how do you balance work and your family? Is there any practical insight that women can model?

Megan: Find a great babysitter. One of the biggest challenges in our marriage was when we started having children. The first baby changes everything. You go from being a woman to being a mother overnight; men turn into fathers, but the change feels a bit more gradual, and the whole thing is a huge shift.

There was a lot of hardship around that, and we had to figure it out. For me, I always had a career, and that was important to me. As the primary parent, I had to balance childcare and work while he was the breadwinner.

So, I set boundaries around time. We had babysitters and nannies, and it’s changed over the years. But when I’m working, I focus on work. I don’t have mom guilt because I trust they’re being cared for. When I’m home, I’m home. I enjoy my children and manage household responsibilities.

For a working woman, I would say find a great babysitter. When I started, I would have three hours twice a week. Those six hours were okay. I learned how to do a lot in those six hours, and it was enough.

As our kids got older, my business changed. It was a lot of structured time. I work behind closed doors — not while my kids are running around me.

Besides, I’ve always been a direct communicator and would tell my husband what he needed to do to help. I would say, “Hey, I need you to do this or step into this.” For instance, there was a time when my business was growing, and he could see how stressed I was.

He asked how he could help. I told him he needed to own the laundry — from buying the soap to washing, drying, and putting it away. I didn’t want to think about laundry anymore. He totally took on that responsibility.

I tell you, that was one of the most life-changing moments in our marriage. He saw the problem, asked me, and did what I asked for as best he could. That was a really helpful moment.

Now that my kids are older, they’re now part of supporting the home. We are a family, and they have to contribute to the home. Luckily, they have a great example of a father who teaches them that “it’s not helping mom. It’s participating in the family.”

In short, there were disagreements, but we communicated a lot, failed, and tried different systems.

What do you look for in a babysitter before employing them to take care of your kids?

Megan: What I look for in a babysitter is a responsible young adult who can drive, socialize with my kids and me, and wants to be around them. Even though they are hard to find, they’re out there. Our nannies and babysitters are so special, and I’m thankful for them.

When my kids were babies, it was a cousin of mine, then a friend from our neighborhood, who had kids the same age as mine. She was a stay-at-home mum who had her kids at home, and she just treated my kids as her own. We have been fortunate in that regard.

When we moved away from family, I found some older girls, aged 19 and 20, who were able to drive, responsible, followed rules, and could be trusted with my children. There were lots of interviews and references to know who the right person is.

Besides, I was really clear on what I wanted. If I don’t want them on their phones, having their friends over, or taking my kids to places we haven’t discussed yet, I let them know. I also communicated how to discipline them.

I believe any working parent will tell you that good childcare takes off such a mental load. For example, my son would ask if he could go back to his nanny’s house because she’s way nicer than I am. Knowing your kids are being loved while you’re away makes a huge difference.

I’ve been thankful and fortunate to find these women who are in that phase of life. They were young, loved kids, and worked with their school schedule.

Since we lived in a college town, it was relatively easy to find these girls who were going to school and had future goals, but it was a good job for them. So, it worked that way.

Speaking about your kids, what’s the parenting method like? How do you discipline them?

Megan: As a direct communicator, I parent in a direct way. I value emotional intelligence and honor that they are humans as well. So, balancing between being their parents and helping them grow is really important to me.

My kids are 10 and 12, and I also have a 2-year-old. When they were two, it was a little more in line with what we hear about gentle parenting. For example, they could yell or cry because they were two.

But what I’ve found with my 10 and 12-year-olds is there’s a lot less gentle parenting now. What’s wrong is wrong. They don’t get to do some things anymore, such as crying or having a meltdown in public.

If my two-year-old were having a public meltdown, I could manage it. But if it were my 10-year-old, I would tell them to stop it. They have to wait till we get in the car to do so.

My son used to cry on the soccer field every game. When he was six, we worked through it. But by eight, we made a rule of no crying during the game. You can cry in the car or wait till we get there.

As my kids are getting older, we are preparing them for real life. Yes, their emotions are valid, and their needs still matter, but we don’t have public tantrums at a park at this stage.

For example, I tell my 12-year-old to watch their mouth if they sass me. At four, I wouldn’t do that, but at 12, they know to stop that.

Also, I learned you have to spend the first seven or eight years with them on a solid foundation of love and guidance. For example, my daughter is 12, and obviously, we have more fights. But the foundation of love makes us get over it quickly. We forgive and move on from fights quickly.

As they get older, it’s fun to see how you have to shift. It’s a type of parenting that I’m still learning. I’m not a perfect parent. So, I admit my faults and apologize when I go wrong. There are things I’m strict about, but I’m not super controlling, and there’s a lot of freedom.

Has marriage changed you in any way?

Megan: I allow myself to be cared for now. As a young adult and single woman, I was independent – not needing help and always handling stuff. I really was because I could do things myself. But marriage has taught me that my husband can take care of me, and that’s okay.

I can admit when I need care while also being independent and capable. I’ve also gotten lazy in a kind of way. My husband has owned a lot. He takes care of a lot of things, and I don’t think about them anymore.

If I were single, I’d have to do a lot more. There are a lot of things I used to do better that I don’t anymore because he does them.

In every marriage, every person performs a role. Sometimes, the man could be the provider while the woman handles the home. Is that how it works for you?

Megan: We have had a really interesting life together, and it has changed over time. When we first got married, he was the main provider. I had a job and contributed financially, and the roles were relatively equal.

Then, we started having kids, and I became the default parent. We both have jobs, but things like meal planning and taking care of kids fell to me, and I was happy to do that. But things have changed in the last five years.

I started my business, and he’s a high school teacher, and his career path is linear. As my business grew, it reached the point where he could leave his job and become a stay-at-home dad for about 4 years.

We have this dynamic where one parent isn’t working at all — no side hustle, business, or job of any kind.

When that shift happened, he became the stay-at-home parent, and I became the breadwinner. Now, he handles meal planning, grocery shopping, most of the cooking, and maintaining the house and the kids.

I go to work. In 15 years, things have shifted, and the roles are now reversed. It’s unique because you won’t often find that one parent isn’t working at all. Even my friends were surprised that my husband cooks every dinner. But he’s figuring it out the best he can.

In all of this, what’s been beautiful is our empathy for each other. He knows what it’s like to work all day, come home, want to unwind, but everybody is clamoring for your attention. He sees those days and lets the kids know I need 30 minutes to decompress.

As for me, I know what it’s like to be home with the kids all day and count the minutes until my spouse gets home. I’ve been a stay-at-home parent before when I left my career, and my business wasn’t big yet.

We know how each other feels, and it’s been cool to have a lot of understanding for each other. We’ve never known how long it would last or whether he’d get a job again. But we have been enjoying this stage, and he’s an incredible stay-at-home parent.

He’s a better stay-at-home than I am because I was never naturally great at housekeeping. He’s a lot more organized than I am. He has his list and routines, and he does an amazing job.

Are you religious? What faith do you practice?

Megan: Yes. We are Christians.

Does faith play a role in your marriage?

Megan: Yes, faith plays a role in our marriage in many ways. When we got married, we made promises to each other that were founded in our faith. Also, there had been times when we said to each other, “You made promises to me.”

We also raised our children together in our faith. I believe there’s a God out there who wants my marriage to be successful, just like me.

He’s always there to help, guide, and support. It’s funny that over the years, as I pray, struggle with something, or talk about my husband’s problems, God is always like, “Here’s your list of things to work on. I will help him, but also help yourself.”

So, faith keeps us grounded in a perspective on what really matters, and that helps us. I also credit our faith in helping us stay happily satisfied — all the things that make a happy life.

What traits do you think single women should look out for when they’re choosing a partner for marriage?

Megan: Look for the little, practical things, such as understanding your partner’s financial habits and their approach to money. My husband and I are really fortunate because we’re very aligned on that.

But I know people who struggle because one partner is a saver and the other, a spender, which results in a lot of stress. Asking those questions early or noticing the patterns of their financial habits is really important.

Another thing is the Internet and social media. My heart goes out to people who are finding a partner now because there is this expectation that unless they check every box, you’re not going to give them some time. I think it’s unrealistic and unhelpful.

For instance, young people might think that a man’s height or hairline matters. But they should think about who they want next to them when their parents are dying. At that point, does it matter that their partner is 6”2 tall? I don’t think it will.

We recently went through the death of his mother, and this is the person we’re grieving together. My point is: get the perspective away from his physical attraction.

On money, do they have a good job? Are they hardworking? Do they have goals and a future for themselves, such as how much money they make?

That’s because you get to build that life together, and that’s the beauty of getting married. I also think traits go both ways and don’t apply to a single person.

I also think true love isn’t always what they show in movies or TV shows. People count people out too early when they don’t feel a spark, instead of getting to know them.

That doesn’t mean you should waste your time on red-flag people. I dated people who didn’t align with me before finding my husband.

What’s even funnier is that my husband and I were friends first because I wasn’t interested in dating him. He wasn’t my type. He was bald and had this weird name. So, I was like “No..I’m not dating this guy.”

But I had a friend in college who asked why I wouldn’t want to date him. That question made me realize he was the nicest guy I’ve ever met. After all, I had dated the cool, mysterious, hot guys.

All of a sudden, it hits me he’s not a jerk but a green flag. It’s fine that he’s bald, and his name is a great fit. So, a little less vanity, a little bit more of giving people a chance, and trusting yourself.

Also, I don’t believe in soulmates, but I think there are people who complement you. My husband and I were best friends, and we loved being around each other. We dated for a long time, and I can’t imagine my life without this person.

The checklist now isn’t following what’s on the internet. For instance, a wife could post a funny video about her husband, but the comments would be toxic.

You’d read stuff like “What a jerk. You should divorce him. He’s so horrible. He’s a hater.” The unrealistic expectations we have about how we treat each other go both ways.

Although every marriage is unique, what is that thing that has worked for your marriage that you think other couples can try? Any practical insight?

Megan: My advice would be to look at your communication style. I believe communication goes a long way. It’s okay to tell your partner what you need and not assume they know.

Also, I have tried to focus on what I like or love about them over the last couple of years, rather than on all the things he does that bother me or drive me crazy. Those things will always exist, but when I’m just nitpicking and critical in my own mind, it’s very hard to move past being critical.

I’m not a naturally critical person, but when I find myself being critical of him, that’s a red flag for me. I admit that’s my problem. That’s not even if he has things to work on. If he does, being critical isn’t helpful.

Also, when you start having babies and toddlers, you’re probably not going to like each other. There are things you build or hustle for in your 20s. Now, in our late 30s, we’re enjoying the fruits of our labor 15 years later.

So, it’s a long game. Wait things out. Sometimes you may not like them for an extended period. Stay kind, keep trying, and communicate. Try to merge your life together.

I believe the other side of that is your spouse shouldn’t be everything. They can’t fill every bucket for you. Get a life, make friends, take up a hobby, take care of yourself physically, and do things just for you.

If you’re looking to your spouse to fill every bucket for you, I don’t think that’s fair. I don’t think it’s realistic or doable for the other person. You can be their number one, but they shouldn’t be your number one through ten. So, get a little bit of life together and separate when needed.

Is there anything you’d love to add that I didn’t ask during this interview?

Megan: Going back to my LinkedIn post, there were some comments, and I got a couple of messages telling me this isn’t what everybody’s marriage to their husband looks like. They were trying to discredit mine.

What I would just say to that is the world needs to be vocal about happy marriages because we see a lot of negative ones. The happiest couples are not online. Most are not sharing, posting, or existing online. But I know so many happily married couples and believe in it.

I don’t think marriage is designed to fail. If you have this dismal thought, go look for happily married couples. They would have their own answers to these questions, but in the bottom line, you’d realize it’s possible. It takes work.

There are a lot of happily married people out there, but the Internet wants you to think otherwise. It’s not true. Marriage can be lovely and beautiful. But it’s just as hard and heartbreaking. Even when it’s heartbreaking, it’s still working.

It’s okay if your husband makes you cry. It’s not the end of the world. We’re not living in a world where I haven’t hurt his feelings. Or, he’s never done something to me that he’s really had to apologize for, and I’ve had to take some time to forgive.

For those out there questioning whether it’s worth it or if it’s something they can dream of, there are a lot of happily married people. They’re not just online.

If you’re a couple and would love to share your story, fill out this form.

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