Author:
Funmito Obafemi
On this week’s edition of LoveLens Insights, we share the inspiring journey of Olabanji and Olufunmilayo, a couple married for 26 years.
From a chance meeting at a finance office to building a home together through seasons of financial struggle and growth, their journey shows what it means to stand by each other and grow together. Their story offers lessons for young couples and those already on the journey of marriage.
Olabanji: Firstly, we thank God for being here today by His grace. At that time, I was working at the Finance House in Abeokuta. Her mother happened to be one of our customers. One day, she accompanied her mum to the office and came for two things: her mum’s business and evangelism.
Her church was holding a convention, and she had to distribute handbills to invite people to the program. While she started speaking to me about the program, I set eyes on her, and something within me said this was the person I would marry. I am not a particularly spiritual person, but that feeling surprised me.
The second time she came, I told her how I felt about her, but she declined. I pressured and had prayed about it. Plus, I asked God for a sign. I told him that if she were truly my wife, I should meet her at home or see her during my visit. If she were not, then I should not see her at all.
When I got there, I didn’t meet her or her mother. I only met their househelp, Fatimoh. As I was speaking with the househelp, she suddenly appeared behind me and greeted me. At that moment, I had a strong conviction that she was truly the one.
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Olabanji: We courted for about a year and a half.
Olabanji: We have been married for 26 years.
Olabanji: First, she is a prayer warrior, and I truly admire that about her. Secondly, she is very caring. She can give me her eyes if I need them.
Olufunmilayo: My husband is very caring and hardworking. There is no work he cannot do to sustain the family.
Olabanji: We are from different parts of the country, and naturally, we have different preferences, even when it comes to food. I like pounded yams, and she likes amala. I can pound yams, but she can’t.
Sometimes these differences can lead to minor disagreements, but we learned how to manage them. I would prepare it sometimes.
I also learned how to prepare the meals she enjoys, and she also learned to prepare mine. One important grace in our marriage is that no disagreement carries over to the next day. We would argue, but we always settle issues before we go to bed.
Olufunmilayo: My husband is from Ekiti, and Ekiti people can be quick-tempered. I’m naturally quiet, but I’ve become more expressive in marriage. We talk things through, and that has helped us resolve issues quickly.
Related: I converted to Christianity before I married my wife
Olabanji: When we first met, I was not financially stable, while she came from a well-to-do family. While I was still in school, she paid part of my school fees and bought my first car.
In raising our children, we are firm parents. Being from Ekiti, we are known to be tough. Our children know we are disciplinarians. There is a clear division in how we handle discipline.
My wife corrects them verbally, while I sometimes use the rod when necessary. We raised our children to respect instructions. The Bible says if you spare the rod, you spoil the child.
Olufunmilayo: It is God who helped us in parenting. It was easier in those days. When we first moved to this area, people used to call our children “awon omo get inside” because they stay mostly indoors. We raised them in the way of God, and that foundation helped shape their lives.
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Olabanji: At the beginning of our marriage, finances were a major challenge. I remember a time when we had only 40 naira left in the house that we shared equally.
I went out that day, and by divine intervention, I returned home with seven thousand naira in cash and a cheque of fifty thousand naira. But we believe in God, and he truly came through for us.
Another challenge came after the birth of our first child. There was pressure from my wife’s family for us to have another child quickly. I was never bothered, but her family didn’t back down.
As time went by, and by God’s glory, he blessed us again in due time. Our first child is named Mofiyinfoluwa, and our second child is named Jesuferanmi.
Olufunmilayo: There is no marriage without challenges. Challenges will always come, but strong marriages will stand the test of time. One thing I never do is take our marital problems outside.
I once had a friend who would report all her marital issues to someone outside the marriage. I told her that was not healthy. I don’t discuss my matrimonial issues at my workplace or with outsiders.
Keeping certain matters within the home helps preserve peace. For example, I remember when I was pregnant, and we didn’t have enough funds to register for antenatal care.
Whenever my mum asks me about the registration, I would always tell her it would be done the following week because she knew I wouldn’t talk. So, one day, she gave me enough funds to go register for an antenatal program.
There are also times we eat without fish or meat, but I’ve trained my children to be content in whatever circumstances. I also endured a lot with my father-in-law (an Ekiti man) who lived with us for seven years and seven days.
My advice to younger couples is not to get angry at everything. In short, God has been helping us all along.
Olabanji: We do everything together. That spirit of partnership has helped our home.
Olabanji: There are many things she has done for me. She has supported me in ways that prevented me from being ashamed in front of others.
For example, when my father died, she bought a car for me so that I would not feel ashamed among my siblings. She also helped pay part of my school fees when I was struggling.
I remember one time when the deadline for paying my school fees was just a few days away. I did not even tell her about it, but she noticed my mood. She left and later returned with the remaining money for my fees. That kind of support meant a lot to me.
Olabanji: Apart from the spiritual aspect, I would say communication. There is nothing my wife and I cannot discuss, and it has helped a lot. As a result, we don’t do things alone, and we speak with one voice.
Olufunmilayo: Young couples should believe in God and entrust their marriage to his care. Only God truly helps them.
Olabanji: For singles and those preparing for marriage, prayer is very important. Communication is also essential if you want to truly understand your spouse.
Also, couples must learn to persevere through challenges. Men should also allow their wives to contribute ideas and decisions in the home. A husband should not assume he knows everything.
My wife and I practice what I call a democratic form of marriage, where we listen to each other and make decisions together.
If you’re a couple and would love to share your story and inspire the younger generations, kindly fill out this form.
