Author:
Funmito Obafemi
They met in school, crossed paths again, and started a journey that has spanned over two decades. Their love wasn’t without challenges, yet faith and unwavering support kept them together.
This week on LoveLens Stories, we look at how God, understanding, and friendship became the pillars of a marriage for Funmi and her husband, who have been married for over 24 years.
Funmi: I met my husband while I was in school. He was doing his postgraduate studies, and I was in my final year (400 level). During my teaching practice, his supervisor was supposed to come and assess me, but couldn’t make it, so he sent him in his place.
That was how we met, and we were just friends at first. We would greet each other whenever we saw each other around the department or the school environment.
After I finished school, I went for my NYSC. When I returned from service and was trying to enroll in my postgraduate program, I met him again. That was when the interest started.
Funmi: Yes, because according to him, he told me when he came to supervise me, he had an interest in me, and he prayed that if truly I’m for him, God should bring us together again.
So when I later met him again during my postgraduate enrollment, I realized he was always available. By then, he had already started his PhD program, but he kept monitoring me. He would encourage me to attend classes, especially when I found them boring.
Sometimes I wondered what his own interest was, because he wasn’t the one paying my school fees. Later, I realized it was beyond that. Then he asked when I would come to visit him at his house and meet his brothers.
He said he had already told them a lot about me, and I was wondering why he would say so much about me to them. That was when I knew he truly had an interest in me.
Funmi: I came back from my service year in 2000, so we started dating around that time. We eventually married in October 2002, and it has been 24 years.
Funmi: One thing I really like about him is that he is very understanding. When we first got married, I had anger issues, but even when he was upset, he would just stay calm and not show it. I really appreciate the fact that he knows how to control himself.
He is also God-fearing. He loves God and is always ready for God’s things. Another thing is that he is very honest – whether you like it or not, he will always tell the truth.
Related: I do not mourn my wife; I celebrate her legacy
Funmi: The biggest challenge we faced and God helped us overcome was that we were unable to have children for about 13 years. During that period, he was very supportive.
You know how, in Yoruba culture, after a wedding, people expect to come for naming ceremonies, but we couldn’t have a child. Even when his family wanted to rise up against me, he stood by me.
He told them that he was the one who chose me and brought me to them, so if they could not pray for us, they should leave us. At one point, his mum even called me and said that whatever her son wanted was what she would want.
And since he has chosen me, she is with me as well. She supported me until God answered our prayers. Today, we are blessed with two children.
Funmi: One major way we’ve changed is that he has helped me control my anger issues. Whenever I’m ranting, he would just be looking at me. And when I eventually calm down, he would ask me when I would grow up.
He would also tell me that very soon, people would come to seek advice from me, and with the way I’m behaving, what would I tell them? That really encouraged me to start working on myself and have better control over my anger.
Funmi: Yes, God has played a prominent role in our marriage. As I said earlier, he is a God-fearing man and loves the things of God. During the time we were unable to conceive, the way he stood by me was because of that fear of God.
If not for God, anything could have happened, especially in this kind of generation, considering the nature of his work as a lecturer. But because God was on our side, we were able to scale through.
Related: He didn’t ask about the baby; he asked about me first
Funmi: In terms of house chores, I handle most of the work inside the house, while he takes care of the outside.
We have a garden and raise poultry which he helps to manage whenever he is around. But for tasks like cleaning the house and cooking, I handle them.
Funmi: My husband is the gentle type. For example, he had only beaten our first child once. But as for me, once you misbehave, you will face it immediately.
Related: She left and came back with my school fees
Funmi: My advice to both married and single people is to be patient with one another. When they are patient, they will understand each other better, and that understanding helps them to tolerate each other.
When they have these three — patience, understanding, and tolerance — the sky is the limit. They will be able to scale through any storm that comes their way.
They should also try as much as possible to marry their friend. When they do, they will be able to weather life’s challenges together and overcome. Marriage is not a bed of roses.
Challenges will come whether at the beginning, in the middle, or at the end, and because the couple is coming from different backgrounds, training, and exposure, patience becomes very important.
If they are patient and understand each other, they will be able to tolerate one another, and you can only exhibit these traits when you’re married to your friend.
If you’re a couple and would love to share your story and inspire the younger generations, kindly fill out this form.
