Author:
Funmito Obafemi
On this week’s edition of LoveLens stories, we sit with Oluwaseun and Olajumoke, who have been married for six years. Their journey into marriage began with friendship, shared workspaces, and intentional choices.
From helping each other grow to learning how to meet in the middle despite different backgrounds, their marriage reflects the power of communication and mutual support. Their marital journey is a story of love that continues to show up in the ordinary moments.
Oluwaseun: At the time, I was working at the Governor’s Office and was part of the first set involved in drafting surveys. She joined later, and we were asked to put her through the survey-drafting process.
Once she was done learning, she chose to sit beside me, and I, in turn, guided her. We talked, smiled, listened to music, went home together, and resumed work together. We started out as friends, actually. Over time, things grew naturally between us, and eventually, I asked her out.
Olajumoke: We started as colleagues, just as he said. From colleagues, we became friends, then we started dating, and to the glory of God, here we are as a couple.
Olajumoke: One thing that pushed me and made me realize he was the one for me happened while we were working together. At the time, I was looking forward to writing the JAMB exam. I asked him for something material, and he asked me a simple but very deep question.
Between that thing I was asking for and my NECO, which one would I choose? I pondered the question a lot. It showed me the kind of person he was, and from that moment, I knew he was a good person. That was when I knew he was the one for me.
Oluwaseun: There was a particular moment that stood out for me. A friend of mine bought something for his girlfriend, and she was excited. We all complimented that it was beautiful. My friend jokingly told her to tell her man to buy it for her as well, saying that I could afford it.
At that time, we were trying to get her JAMB form. So I asked her if she wanted the item. That question was a turning point for me because I had already decided that if she said yes, I would buy it, and that would be the last time she would hear from me.
Thankfully, she said the JAMB form was more important. We went ahead and got the form, and gradually she was admitted to the polytechnic, and things started moving forward from there.
Oluwaseun: Five years.
Oluwaseun: It was a very straightforward journey. There was no point where we broke up and later came back together. Once we decided we wanted to get married, we began working towards it.
Along the way, we both acknowledge our imperfections and make conscious efforts to amend them. Personally, I worked on my own shortcomings because I didn’t want to lose her, and she was also intentional about improving herself. We both kept growing and adjusting, with marriage as our clear goal.
Olajumoke: My favorite thing about him is that he relates with me both as a best friend and as a father figure. He constantly reassures me that even though I don’t have a father, he will always be there for me, and not just as my husband, but as my closest friend.
Oluwaseun: Everything about her. Her character, her beauty, her smile, and her respectfulness. I also love the fact that we make decisions together.
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Oluwaseun: Yes. That happened on my last birthday. She went all out to give me a small surprise. I think that was the first time anyone had ever surprised me in my life. She thought I didn’t appreciate it, but I’m the kind of person who doesn’t always show excitement, even when I’m really happy.
Olajumoke: For me, it was when we had our first child, and we lost the baby. I was with his parents in Lagos when they told him that something had happened.
The first thing he asked about was me. He didn’t even ask about the baby at that moment. The fact that he asked about me first really touched me, and it made me love him even more.
Oluwaseun: For me, there hasn’t been any major challenge we couldn’t resolve. Communication has always helped us. We communicate a lot in our daily activities and in everything we do. Whenever something is bothering either of us, we talk about it openly and resolve it immediately.
Olajumoke: One major challenge for us was after I lost our first child and had to pursue my HND program. I left Abeokuta and traveled to Ilaro, while he stayed back.
At the time, I was already pregnant with our daughter, and there was no one to take care of us and us as well. That period was a bit challenging for us, but we came together, talked things through, and overcame it.
Oluwaseun: Marriage has taught us to meet each other halfway and grow together. I’ve learned patience, especially in managing her stubbornness.
Olajumoke: Before marriage, I was very stubborn and noisy. After getting married, I became more conscious of it and deliberately worked on myself so it wouldn’t affect our marriage.
Related: We lost our daughter in the early years of our marriage
Oluwaseun: She has pushed me to where I am today, and where we are as a family. When we met, I was squatting with a friend. About four men were sharing a room alongside our girlfriends.
She told me it was time to get my own place. She said even if all we had was a mat, we would sleep on it together because we needed our privacy. I listened to her. I got a room, and from there, we kept moving forward.
When it was time to build, too, she advised me to buy a piece of land for our family. I found one in an area, and she encouraged me to go ahead with it. When it was time to start building, we did it together. Step by step, we kept progressing, and today, we’re grateful to be where we are.
Olajumoke: For me, it’s the way he supports me at home. I like to sleep a lot, and there’s something he does that may seem small to him but means a lot to me.
Even before we got married, he would wake up as early as 4 am or 4:30 am to help with house chores like cooking before leaving for work by 5:30 am. He would cook for himself and our child.
That reduced a lot of the burden for me because I would still be sleeping. He supports me at home, financially and morally, in every way. He is a very supportive husband.
Oluwaseun: Financially, God has been faithful to us, and we run the home together. It’s our marriage, not my marriage alone. Whenever there’s something to be done at home, I discuss it with her, and we go about it together. If I’m not around, she handles it.
There are times when I’m financially down, and when she notices, she tries her best to support me a bit. As for chores, whenever I’m home, I try to help her and reduce the stress. Taking care of a baby and a five-year-old can be stressful.
Sometimes I also feel stressed taking care of the baby, so I understand how much more it is for her to handle both children at once. That’s why whenever I’m around, I do everything I can to help ease the stress for her.
Oluwaseun: We were brought up by different parents, so we have different backgrounds. As I said earlier, we try to meet in the middle and go together.
For me, if there’s anything she is doing wrong, I try to guide her, and if there’s anything I’m doing wrong, she tries to correct me. That is why I said we meet in the middle and go together.
Olajumoke: What really works for us is communication. Whenever we have anything bothering us, we speak out. We try to trash out the issues and keep what is supposed to be kept.
Oluwaseun: I was brought up in love, and because of that, I try to pass love on to my children. I believe in discipline when it is necessary, but not all the time.
I want to show them the same love that was shown to me, and I want to grow to a point where my children can freely say whatever is bothering them. I don’t want my children to be scared of me.
Olajumoke: I beat, I shout, and I correct with love when it is necessary. It’s not as if we are doing gentle parenting. We do everything together. We respond to situations based on what works at that moment.
Related: 27+ years of marriage: when love started with nothing
Oluwaseun: My advice to single people is not to rush into marriage. Court properly and be in a relationship, not a six-month relationship, before engagement and marriage.
Take time to study your partner very well. Being in a relationship for two to three years helps you truly understand the kind of person you are dating.
There is an adage that says character is like flames; no matter how you try to hide it, it will surely come out. With enough time, you will be able to see the red flags.
But when people date for just three or six months, someone can decide to hide their red flags and only reveal them after marriage, and that can be very wrong.
For married couples, I believe strongly in communication. Do not go to bed with issues unresolved. Speak out when necessary.
Olajumoke: My advice to singles is to be financially stable. They should not assume that because they are women, their husbands will take care of everything in the home.
And for married people, communication is important. Whenever things go wrong, they should talk to their partner.
Oluwaseun: As she said, women should have their financial standing. But I will also add that a man must be financially secure before entering marriage. Being financially strong helps in building love.
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