Author:
Funmito Obafemi
We have Yinka and Bose on this week’s edition of LoveLens stories, opening up about 29 years of doing life together with God at the center, openness in communication, and shared responsibility at home. From colleagues to life partners, their story carries lessons every home can draw strength from.
Yinka: We met in 1996 when she came to our office for her Industrial Training. Her openness was what first captivated me. From our conversation, she talked freely about herself without holding anything back. I was already working there, so she met me there.
Bose: I actually started my I.T in September 1995. He was already a staff member while I came in as an I.T student, so we met as colleagues. During my I.T, there was nothing between us. It was just a normal work relationship.
After my I.T, I got retained in the same organization in 1996, and that’s when we became friends. He would always come to my office to greet me, and we just naturally liked each other. Later on, he opened up and told me he loved me. That’s how our journey officially started in 1996, and by 1997, we were married.
Bose: When you meet someone who is truly humble, you just know. His humility, his fear of God, and the way he related to me despite the age gap (9 years) made me see a future with him.
I could trust him fully. Before he came into my life, I had been praying since my teenage years that I would not marry wrongly, that God would give me the bone of my bones and a man who would give me peace.
I didn’t even know I would meet him, but God answered that prayer. Everything he possessed made me realize that if I committed myself to him, I would not regret it, and I never have.
Yinka: For me, it was her openness and her love for God that stood out to me. Before her, I had friends, but one of my constant prayers was that I would not end up with multiple wives like my father and late elder brother.
My dad had four wives, and my brother also had many, and I didn’t want that life. I prayed that if she was the one, she would stay, and if she wasn’t, God would move her. She stayed, and that was my confirmation.
Related: We Lost Our Daughter in the Early Years of Our Marriage
Yinka: Well, in our culture, it’s the man who speaks first, so yes, I made the first move.
Bose: He told me first, but I didn’t accept immediately. I even told him there was no way and that he wasn’t worth me at that time. But through prayer and clarity, we eventually came together as one.
Bose: During my IT, I already knew him, but there was nothing between us. When I was hired in 1996 at the same office, our friendship continued. So by the time we officially began courtship, I already knew certain things about him. We eventually got married on July 5th, 1997. Altogether, we dated for about a year.
Yinka: I really cherish her ability to hold down the home front even when I’m not around, and she still does that till today.
Bose: I cherish his humility. Even when we have misunderstandings, he comes down to my level, and we settle things amicably. I also admire his faithfulness. I can boldly say he is faithful to this marriage, and I am, too. We both fear God, do things in common, and whatever comes, God gives us the wisdom to handle it.
Yinka: God has been faithful in this marriage. Even till today, we have no regrets. Once God is the pillar of your home, you have peace of mind, and that has been our experience.
Bose: We married as junior workers earning very little, and things didn’t start smoothly. Paying private school fees and caring for the children wasn’t easy at that level, but we didn’t want our children to start their lives as junior workers.
We put them in good schools and trusted God. It wasn’t easy, but God saw us through those periods.
Bose: We disagree at first, and later, we come to a common ground. At the beginning of our marriage, if I was upset, I would say everything on my mind and still not feel settled.
Meanwhile, my husband would say one or two words and go straight to sleep, and in no time, would start snoring. I would be awake thinking, ‘See the man I’m talking to!’ Eventually, I learned to address issues immediately. We talk, we agree, and we move forward.
Yinka: With God’s help and open discussion. If one person insists on doing something a certain way, we sit down and talk until we find common ground.
Since we got married, we have never needed a third party to settle disputes. We are human, but remembering God’s word helps us avoid letting issues escalate.
Related: He told me straight up he was here to marry me
Yinka: To the glory of God, when we moved into our own place, she got admission to the Federal Training Institute in Ilorin. There was no one to take care of the children, so I told her not to worry.
I would handle the home while she focused on her training. She spent almost three years there, and nobody outside knew she was away because we managed it well.
Bose: My husband is very principled. Even at work, when we need to submit credentials, I go to him because he keeps all my certificates, arranges them, and does the photocopies. He knows I’m busy with the children, so he fully supports me.
When I went for that three-year training, my youngest was just about three. Anytime I called to ask about the children, he would tell me to focus on my studies. I would return home and find out a child had been sick, and he didn’t tell me, just so I wouldn’t worry. He is a true supporter.
Yinka: Faith has played numerous roles in our lives and in this marriage. While raising our children from the first to the last, God has been faithful. They all attended private schools, and God helped us pay their fees without borrowing. Truly, God has been wonderful.
Bose: In this marriage, God has always come first. Nobody can say they made this marriage work — not even on our wedding day, because no uncle or relative could support us. It was God, and till today it is still God.
There was a day when there was nothing in the house and nothing in the bank. I knelt down praying, telling God I didn’t want to be put to shame. As I prayed, something told me to open a bag in front of me. When I opened it, I saw ₦500 notes.
Each time we needed something, I would take money from that bag until the last note, and then my salary came. Whether someone left the money there or God put it there, I don’t know. I only know that God supplied our needs.
Bose: When it comes to roles in the home, as I said earlier, we started off as junior workers. I knew my husband’s salary, and he knew mine, so I never demanded what he didn’t have or couldn’t afford. Anything that came up in the house, either of us could handle it.
Generally, he focused on paying the children’s school fees. He never asked me to contribute, but as a mother, the day-to-day provision and taking care of the children naturally fell to me, though he still supported me.
Even when I offered to assist with school fees sometimes, he would still refund me. He always made sure to handle it, even when it wasn’t easy for him.
Related: A random day at work became the beginning of our union
Bose: My first advice is that they should not allow a third party in their marriage. They should handle matters together. Anyone who will drag them backward, they should not be given room to. They must also be prayerful. John 10:10 tells us that the devil is after marriages, but if they can pray, God will take charge.
The first five years of marriage are usually lovey-dovey, because at that stage, there may be just one or two children, and responsibilities are not too heavy. But once they enter the sixth year, responsibilities become serious.
Both partners start pursuing personal goals, and misunderstandings can come in. If the woman does not humble herself during that season, the marriage can crash. But if she humbles herself and prays, God will give victory over that battle.
That battle usually comes after five years of marriage. It may feel as if love is gone, but it is not. It is simply because responsibilities are getting wider. One thing about men is that they don’t want their wives to know they don’t have money.
They will pretend to have, even when they don’t. If God opens your understanding, you will know when not to ask. When you ask at the wrong time, you are definitely looking for trouble. You just have to study the person you are with, and you will be able to move forward.
To all the sisters, they should pray, because when they say “I do,” it is for life. They shouldn’t enter marriage with the mindset that it may not work. They should tell themselves that it must work. I didn’t grow up seeing my father provide for my mother. I didn’t even know my father. It was my mother who carried the burden, and I learned from her.
Even as a government worker, I still have a shop to support our income. When I’m not around, my husband will stay there and sell. Even when I’m busy cooking, he still helps so we can support the salary.
Intending couples should agree and support each other so the journey will be smooth. They shouldn’t allow laziness. Whatever they do, they should work hard and do it well.
Yinka: My advice to intending couples is to make God the pillar of their home. In this world, there is no perfect home, but you can make your own home peaceful by being considerate of each other.
To those already married, let the peace continue by sharing the Word of God and being happy together. Don’t look at the next house; contentment is necessary.
Yinka: Marriage is instituted by God for His glory. When both partners commit themselves joyfully and maintain a family altar, everything will go well.
Bose: The enjoyment in marriage should be moderate. As a couple, if you are unable to build a house before your children enter secondary school, then building one afterwards will truly be by God’s grace.
The first money you gather is a seed. You shouldn’t assume it will continue flowing that way forever. Buy land, build on it, keep your documents well. By doing that, you have achieved something tangible.
When money comes in, tie it to something meaningful. That is not the time to go clubbing or spend carelessly. Whatever you want to enjoy, enjoy moderately at home. Don’t spend unnecessarily.
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