Author:
Funmito Obafemi
This LoveLens couple talks about what led to their union, from the moment when they practiced different religions to now, where they both practice Christianity.
Adeola and Damilare, who have been married for four years, met at their workplace. At first, it didn’t look like it would materialize into a union due to different faiths (One was a Muslim, the other a Christian).
On this week’s edition of LoveLens stories, we talk about how they met, what led to the conversion, the small gestures that make their bond stronger, and insights for singles and married people.
Adeola: We met each other first at work in 2016 during a training. He would sit in front and was always well-dressed. I would sit two rows behind him. But back then in Lagos, we didn’t really talk. It was just a hi-hi situation. Then, we got posted to Ibadan and were in the same team.
Adeola: In the beginning, I didn’t see him as dating material, let alone marriage. That’s because when we met, he was a Muslim. That was a no for me, and I thought there was no way I could develop feelings for him because we practiced different faiths at that time.
However, one striking thing about him was that he was selfless. He was easy-going and was friends with everyone at work.
As a result, most people would want to be his friend naturally. As for me, I prefer to know people first before getting close to them. Since we were on the same team, it was easy to become friends with him. However, I didn’t develop feelings because I was a believer and knew what the Lord had told me.
So at that time, it didn’t look like he was the one in the physical. But that didn’t stop him from chasing hard. After each workday at the office, he would dutifully see me off, accompanying me by public transportation from our office at Dugbe to Iwo road before he returned to his place at Oke-ado (a 26.2 km, roughly 40 mins trip).
Meanwhile, I was in a relationship with someone else, which later didn’t work out.Then by 2018, the closeness had increased, and by that time, by divine instruction and prompting, I had begun to pray about it.
At that point, the feelings had set in, but I refused to acknowledge or do anything about that until I had clarity.
Damilare: From when we met in 2016, she’s been very striking. The intense likeness started around late 2017. She was very strict and still is.
Out of all the female friends we had, she stood out and was very different at the office. Even as a Muslim, she was striking and was very serious with her faith. She was/is worth it because you don’t find such women everywhere.
One could tell she knew who she was and what the journey was about. She doesn’t talk anyhow, even with what people assume to be a joke. These character traits attracted me to her even as a Muslim.
The fact that I had feelings for her was like a “suicide plan.” For context, she is a very serious-minded person both in her faith and her dealings; it was hard for anything to get to her, especially emotionally. Although I was in a relationship at this time but I knew it was going nowhere.
I, on the other hand, was a Muslim, I listened to worldly music, and had never been to church before. As a result, she always thought I didn’t look like a potential suitor.
Talking to her about dating always got crossed out, even to the point where she mentioned we should stop calling each other. I think she started catching feelings. Laughing.
In fact, a friend commended my efforts for asking her out at that time because they didn’t see the possibility. However, I kept chasing because I knew in my mind she was the one. The icebreaker was when a senior friend who is close to her told her to consider me.
Perhaps the person was acting on divine intelligence because I didn’t know them at that time. That was when she started praying about it. I got so tired one day and told her I would never ask her out again.
Adeola: A lot. My faith is the very core of who I am. It defines me, my values, taste buds, relations, everything. There were places you wouldn’t see me hanging out, even though I loved to go out. Next, there are people I wouldn’t hang out with.
I was clear about where I was going. I remembered what a senior friend would say about me. He would say, “The man who would marry you must be someone who knows where he’s going. That was very clear.”
Plus, there was something about how I made friends. They had to be believers. I remember the first day he insisted on seeing me off, even if it was to the nearest bus stop. I agreed and remember asking the Lord in a cab on my way, saying, “What’s it about this guy? I don’t have Muslim friends.”
Even though I knew he liked me, it didn’t move me. That’s because faith, for me, shaped my life. So when I met him, he didn’t fit the bill.
Besides, there was a journey in motion before then. I was in a relationship and was going to get married in 2017. There was no way we could be a thing or so I thought. However, as I was going home that day and after asking that question, I heard the Lord tell me, “Be his friend.” It was clear.
While I obeyed the instruction, I was sure that emotional feelings wouldn’t set in because first, my initial instruction was clear from the Lord, and second, I was in a relationship with someone. Armed with that kind of instruction, my job was cut out for me.
I came back with a renewed mind, seeing him as an assignment for the Lord. I would pray about him and his salvation. I would minister to him over the phone because we weren’t together physically, and eventually, the Holy Spirit did his work in him, and I led him to Christ.
While all these were happening, my previous relationship had started failing, but I held on tight, and it didn’t work out. When we got separated, I was deeply hurt.
I told God I would face him squarely and wasn’t interested in any emotional entanglement anymore. It took an instruction and clear confirmation to move from that point.
I had the fear of God and didn’t want to step out of God’s will and cover. So, it took someone else to confirm that I should consider and pray for him. I laughed at the idea at the beginning.
The day after I was told to give it a thought, I sat up in bed to pray. I heard God say, “Have you asked me about it?” I am grateful for that prompt from God and also my big brother, whom God used. So, faith shaped the trajectory of my life, and that’s still the case today.
Damilare: I’ve always been the person who challenged the Islamic way of life. I asked questions about the principles of the Islamic world. Apart from Islam, it applied to other religions too. For instance, I would jokingly practice the incantations in a Yoruba movie.
It stemmed from curiosity to know about my life, tomorrow, or general things from a spiritual perspective. Although the dogma was there — do this, follow that, read this thing a hundred times, go to Quranic school, and more — but I wasn’t receiving answers in Islam.
Although I attended an Arabic school and completed the Quran, it was as if I were just there. I always questioned Islam. It dawned on me more when I was pursuing admission into the university.
I wanted to know what my tomorrow was about or what my life was about. I should know it. I had the question, but Islam couldn’t provide the answer. I was always confused.
When I was in SS1, a friend who also converted would talk to me about Christ. We would talk about spiritually inclined things. Plus, the people from the Jehovah Witness church would preach about Christ. There was a day I was at Obalende, and the confusion would set in on how I would navigate life in general.
So, that was the background to the conversion. My wife was only a channel. Before I met her, I knew in my heart that I would meet my wife in Ibadan.
When I met her, she was serious and knew her journey, which was through Christ. She was pivotal in the whole conversion and would always say, “Come and enjoy Jesus.”
As mentioned earlier, I was dogmatic and would pray when it was time for Islamic prayers, but I didn’t receive answers to my questions. In fact, one striking thing that caused me to pause was that I never got a vision or spiritual insights when I was a Muslim.
But when I converted, the catch for me was that Jesus would tell me things. One day, I had an inexplicable spiritual encounter in my house. Something called me when I was alone in the room, and I spoke to her (my wife) about it.
That was when the conversion began. Not too long after that conversion, I had a spiritual experience that had never happened to me before. I had a vision around 2-3 am, and I was crying uncontrollably.
Afterward, I would have visions back-to-back. I would know things that would happen to people. It was as if the Lord unleashed the hidden gifts all these times. Then, I knew there was no going back. Her influence, attending church, and my acts of questioning spirituality led me to find the light.
Adeola: We’ve been married for four years now.
Adeola: First, he loves the Lord. That’s such a huge relief. We do have disagreements, but it doesn’t last for long. That’s not because we have put anything in place. It’s because we both know the Lord. That’s the buffer. Amazingly, that’s one of the things I can say now.
Also, he is very ‘homely”. He helps in the house, except when he’s busy. He helps with house chores and the kids. Managing a big apartment is a lot, but having your partner step in can be a relief.
Finally, I love the way he loves the kids. I didn’t have a close relationship with my father. It’s always been one of my prayers that my kids would experience that. God answered it.
Damilare: Number one thing is that she loves God. I mean, if we say someone is good but they’re not in Christ, the person isn’t good. For someone to be good, Jesus must be the reason you’re saying those good things about the person. The fact that she is in Christ nets all her character traits.
Also, my wife can cook. I’m not exaggerating, I’ve not eaten any food that is as delicious as hers. This is what I say to the people around me. In fact, the people around us can attest to it, whether it’s fried rice or efo riro.
Additionally, she is hardworking sometimes, I catch myself saying, “I hope I am not overexploiting her trait.’’ She doesn’t complain and is always up and doing.
Damilare: I knew by divine intelligence. That’s why I say that “I don’t know how people run their lives if they don’t know the Lord. Perhaps, they have other spiritual means they run to and get the wrong intel.” But I had divine instruction concerning her. I would sleep and see visions concerning her.
Before we started dating, I was in an 8-year relationship. I was planning to get married to the lady, but it felt wrong. So, I ended it. When I came to Christ, I had instructions that she was the one.
I had visions around her (e.g., her setting up and arranging the home). I prayed about it too and didn’t do it in the flesh. Even when she told me to stop calling her, it was painful, but I abided by the instruction.
Adeola: As I mentioned earlier, he didn’t look like it in the beginning. There was nothing in the physical that made him look like it because he was a Muslim. When my big brother, who is a pastor, told me to pray about it, I obeyed the instruction.
While I was praying about it, I was asking God, “How? I had questions. “How do I tell people around me and in church that I was going to marry a new convert? I was a youth leader, I had friends in church, my parents are pastors, and my spiritual parents.”
With all the questions, the Lord wasn’t speaking to me about it again, especially after saying, “Have you asked me about it?” I didn’t hear anything else and began to pray, mostly now for my heart to understand this matter well.
Weeks after, I was praying and fell asleep in the middle of the night. When I woke up at 4 am, the Lord said to me, “Why are you calling what I’ve called clean unclean?”
It was quiet, and I went to my balcony and thought I heard someone’s voice. I heard the voice again, “Why have you called what I’ve called clean, unclean?” Then, I went to read the Scripture in the Acts of the Apostles.
Then, I asked the Lord, “What did I call unclean?” His name came loud and clear, “Damilare.” I talked to God about it. I told God, “My heart is open. You know I’m always yours. Whatever you want to do, do. I’m open to whatever you want to.
There are a lot of people around me who would need convincing. That conviction must come from you (God), not me.” That was because I didn’t know how to explain to them.
So, I began fasting and praying. Then, I dreamt and saw my spiritual mom. In the dream, it was like she was giving us her blessings. Then, she presented a pair of beautiful wristwatches to us — pink and blue (which informed the color of our wedding). She gave me the one meant for females and him the one meant for males.
Then, she held him, prayed over him, and said, “Welcome home, son.” Then, I visited my spiritual mom and narrated what I had seen, and the guidance began.
She asked me certain questions that evoked and revealed the true state of my heart. She asked about the desires I had about the kind of man I thought I would marry. One of those desires was getting married to a pastor.
Then, she said I needed to figure out if my desire was God’s. Was it a good desire? Yes. But is it God’s desire for me? She also gave me three assignments. First, I had to go and pray about the desire. Next, I should ask God about who he was in the Spirit (who God created him to be and for what purpose).
So, I asked God to show who he was beyond his physical traits. This was beyond the fact that I knew he was a colleague and we worked in the same office.
God showed me very wonderful things about him (Damilare) and his faith. When I see him doing some things today, such as loving the Lord or preaching the gospel with passion, I remain thankful because I wasn’t foolish in limiting him to what I saw physically. That’s why it’s good to have spiritual mentors and covering.
(Damilare cuts in)…Having spiritual parents can save you from partnering with the wrong person. If they’re serious-minded believers, your spiritual mentors would know. If they’re not, the signs will be there too.
Adeola: We take care of the children. Our boys….(laughing). Our lives are centered around them. We are at the phase where we are raising them, so everything is centered around them. When we were just married, we went out a lot. But now, it’s different. We spend time taking care of the children and, of course, church activities.
Adeola: God makes all the differences. The other day, he was supposed to help me with something, but he didn’t because he was busy. Then, he came back like nothing happened. I was going to speak to him, but he apologized.
He said, “The Holy Spirit asked me to apologize.” The Holy Spirit makes the difference. So, I don’t think we’ve had a major disagreement in a long time.
Additionally, we consult our spiritual parents for advice. Next, once it becomes a pattern, we sit and talk about it with each other.
Ultimately, I’m also realizing to give people grace. When I think about how much grace and mercy God gives me, I’ve learnt to extend the same grace to others around me. So, there’s nothing like “He hurts me.“
Plus, strife and disagreement are too costly. That’s when the devil hits. There was a time we had a disagreement, and the Holy Spirit told me, “You can’t afford this argument. Let it go.”
Damilare: As a person, if you’re particular about your walk with God, you should know you shouldn’t disagree and dwell on it for long.
If you ponder the Scripture, you’d realize that God’s words are weighty and apply to everyday life. Strife, anger, malice, and having disagreements shouldn’t be your thing.
Someone who has a strong relationship can’t afford to let disagreements run. Before your partner apologizes, you would have forgiven them. You can’t pursue a relationship with God and be angry with your partner.
You can be angry at that moment, but just let it go. Every argument has a spiritual declaration that happens physically. You’re allowing your flesh to let the devil win. Everything is spiritual.
That time you’re angry could be when you could receive an answer, but when there’s anger, you don’t receive it at that time. “Where there is strife and envy, there is confusion and every evil work.” (James 3:16).
Anytime a voice tends to make me ponder on disagreement, I tell it that it’s a family matter, not any of its business. So, I canceled it in my mind. I can’t afford to have the filth and claim to be fellowshipping with God.
When disagreement happens, unity breaks down. When unity breaks down, whether it’s for ten seconds or fifteen seconds, anything can enter. Sometimes, it’s a setback. Don’t allow the devil to enter your family. He comes in through strife. When you entertain strife, you give the devil the legal ground to access your home.
If, as a believer, there is no pull within you to draw you back from your wrong actions, you should check yourself. The Holy Spirit may have left you at that moment. He would pull you. That’s why the Holy Spirit is necessary in marriage. Otherwise, you would only be enduring.
Damilare: The first question is, “How did you get there?” Some people think faith is not important. But that’s not true. If you and your partner don’t have the same source, which is Christ, it’s not possible.
A believer who believes they can marry a Muslim doesn’t know the kind of Spirit they’re fellowshipping with. As a believer who is yet to make that mistake, you can’t marry someone who isn’t a Christian.
Then, for someone who is already in that, you’d bear the consequences and pray. Although the Scripture is clear that the believer sanctifies the unbeliever, you’ve an assignment to pray to take the person off it.
That’s because it’s a spiritual blindness that’s not easy to break. It can take you a year or more to break. But you’ve to be consistent in your prayers.
The confusion isn’t for you but your children, too. It has defeated the plan of God to have godly offspring from that marriage. The union of Mr A and B, who are believers, is a combination of their spiritual capacity to bring forth a higher model of both persons.
While the mercy of God can speak, the person needs to pray and be meek. But if you’re yet to engage in such action, cancel it.
Adeola: The believing person needs lots of prayers. That’s because sometimes we make decisions with the thought that it only affects us. Meanwhile, it affects generations. It influences lives.
Also, the believing person needs lots of wisdom and counsel. That’s because there’s a legal ground for the devil to come into a family. It’s like two lords fighting over a place.
When that happens, it’s not only you who will be the recipient. Your children will be the recipients of that decision. The prayer isn’t for you alone but also for the children. If it’s a child who’s facing this, too, you need to pray as well. You also need to understand that you’re in warfare.
When the unbelieving person does certain things, they can’t relate to you. That’s because the believer has certain values and principles by which they live. Most times, they can’t see what you’re seeing. You’re the spiritual covering. The believer has a lot to do because they’re carrying the load of two people.
Adeola: He gave his life to Christ in 2018, but I didn’t put a peg to it. In fact, I had no goal in mind because it wasn’t a point-and-kill issue. I didn’t pray for his conversion because I wanted to marry him.
That’s not in the picture. I just wanted the conversion to happen. Back in the day, I would tell him, “You’re too nice and sincere for you to be an unbeliever.”
For instance, I’ve seen my husband lend money to people without getting it back, and they do that to take advantage of him. If you do that without being in Christ, it has no reward, and you may be doing it foolishly because people would prey on your emotions. So, it wasn’t time-bound.
The goal was for him to be a believer. Besides, remember that Scripture that said “Paul planted, Apollo watered, and God gave increase.” A lot of people have been planting the seed. For instance, his secondary school friend would preach to him, his big brother, and the people from the Jehovah Witness church.
So, I was at the tipping point. Besides, when he wanted to buy a gift for the church, I told my local church’s pastor about it. We prayed, and one of the things he said was, “He’s close to the Kingdom. He’s at the door of the Kingdom.”
Consequently, I kept on praying and introduced him to new friends who are believers. That’s because he had a lot of unbelieving friends due to his background. I wanted him to have options. So, I introduced him to people.
When I told him we should stop talking, those were the people who would invite him to church. I handed him over to them. I didn’t want emotions to set in and I didn’t want his faith to be tampered with. One of my friends even bought him a Bible.
He gave his life to Christ because God had already done a lot of work in the background, and that was the pinpoint. God only used me as the end of the whole journey.
Deola: Love the Lord wholeheartedly. It’s painful to see when people don’t love God. They may be beautiful, handsome, doing well in their career, and going to church, but they don’t love God. You have to tell God, “Plant your love in my heart. Have you noticed that when you read the Bible, you’re amazed by what God did?”
In short, people need to love God. The married ones who are surviving are those who love the Lord. It’s not only by the name of Jesus; you have to love God genuinely. Loving God helps you to seek God more and know his will. You know what you need and what you don’t need.
If you love God, you will love your spouse. You will love raising children. You will find yourself growing in your career. So, love him with your body, soul, and mind. Then, you’re covered.
For instance, my husband’s conversion is supernatural. Also, surround yourself with godly people. Marriage is a good thing. There is a lot you can do when you’re in God. You do a lot in the Spirit.
Damilare: When we mean love God, your life in and out must reflect Christ. That’s because you can’t imagine who your partner will become in marriage. However, there’s no limitation in God. The problem is just that we are too stuck in the physical at this age, and that’s painful.
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