Emotional intimacy is the level of closeness where you and your partner feel safe, secure, and loved. It’s not only about physical intimacy where you hold hands, hug, kiss, or have sex. It goes beyond having this.

When you create emotional intimacy with your partner, you connect with them on a deep level by having heart-to-heart conversations, and sharing your fears, thoughts, emotions, opinions, dreams, and hopes for the future. It occurs when you exchange energy without having to touch each other. It may even be through uncontrollable laughter, feeling each other’s vibes, or direct eye contact.

Deep emotional connection builds the foundation of many relationships. It’s the positive feelings that make you feel safe and loved by your partner. It often involves trust, vulnerability, and communication by both parties. Without it, you may likely not be together for a long time, as it will breed loneliness, abuse, or helplessness in the relationship.

How to Develop Emotional Intimacy Without Sex

Whether you’re in a new relationship or rekindling a bond with your partner, there is a need to create an emotional bond that can leave a lasting mark on them. Below are seven secrets to building emotional intimacy without sex.

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Top 7 Secrets for Developing Emotional Intimacy With Your Partner

Be Intentional About Your Partner

Emotional intimacy comes from a place of intentionality. It starts when you start like your partner and decide to put in the work. That decision is further reinforced by your commitment. It’s not forced, but nurtured. Otherwise, it won’t become a reality. 

If you feel like talking to your partner about anything, don’t stop yourself. Do it without feeling ashamed or thinking “What will he or she think I’m doing?” or “Won’t it make me look desperate?” You are human, and it’s perfectly normal to want to hear from the other person, especially when you like them and you’re in a relationship with them. If they don’t reciprocate the gesture, that’s on them. Not on you. 

Most of the time, anyone who genuinely likes you will appreciate the effort you put into hearing from them or doing things that show you care for them. For instance, commitment can be as little as texting or calling them every day, finding out how their day went. It can also be taking them to dinner or going on that vacation.

So, don’t deny yourself the opportunity of hearing from them or performing an action you believe they will like. Your goal is to bond with them. Take the bold step and start committing to the intentional decision.

Take a Break from Electronics

If you’re the type who spends too much time on your phone or laptop while neglecting your partner, you may end up having a hard time bonding emotionally with them. Emotional intimacy primarily depends on one-on-one interaction. While texting or emailing each other helps you to stay in touch or get things done, it is not often enough. You need to:

• Make a deliberate effort to put away all electronic devices. Whether it is your phones, tablets, laptops, television, game console, or other devices, switch them off or put them away for that time.

• Make a habit of spending time with each other. Give your partner full attention or have meaningful conversations with them. For instance, you can look at your partner in the face and rant to them about your day, share your opinion about a topic, or seek their advice about an issue.

If you’re in a long-distance relationship, talk to them every day, whether by chat, voice, or video call. Talk about the littlest thing that happened in your day. It could be your outfit, your makeup (if you identify as a woman), a hobby, school, work, and so on. Nobody gets tired of talking to the person they genuinely like. They’d always want to hear from them.

Listen to your Partner

Quality conversations in a relationship occur when two individuals share their desires, opinions, feelings, or experiences in a sympathetic and friendly manner. One element to achieve this goal is the art of listening.

If your partner naturally brings up a conversation, your job is to listen and show support. Unless they seek your advice, try to understand their feelings or emotions. This isn’t the time to offer solutions, defend yourself, or criticize their actions. Allow them to say what’s on their mind. You should also avoid interrupting or badgering them with questions.

And if they’re unwilling to share, don’t force the conversation. Difficult conversations can be emotionally challenging and uncomfortable. In this case, wait till another time to bring it up.

Here are some other tips to consider when listening:

• Maintain eye contact with your spouse
• Determine their feelings when they’re communicating. Ask yourself, “Is s/he upset, sad, or elated?” Their feelings will determine how you respond.
• Avoid doing something else when listening. If they can’t have your full attention at that time, tell them the truth, but let them know when you have the chance to talk. Don’t keep them waiting for long.
• Avoid interrupting conversations. Instead, take turns with each other.
• Observe their body language. Tears, clenched fists, loud voices, or trembling hands can give you clues to their feelings.

Become Vulnerable—Express your Emotions

Many people create emotional issues because they don’t open up to their partner. They bottle up all their feelings and allow them to pile up within them, affecting their well-being. For instance, they could let things slide, occasionally hide issues from their partner, create doubts, have false assumptions, or even become conflict avoidant.

If this is you, you need to learn how to figure out, express your emotions, and build word intimacy with your partner. Keeping things inside will only make things worse. It’s similar to a time bomb. At a set time, you will “explode” and create devastating effects. It could be some hurtful words that shatter your partner or do something worse.

To avoid this scenario, you must first stay in touch with your feelings every time. Create a list of emotions you’re currently feeling in a notepad three times a day. For example, write down the emotion you felt when someone talked down on you at the gas station — Angry. Or when you saw the kids playing on the field — Happy. Practice this exercise often.

Once you have determined your emotions, open up to your partner about it. Make a conscious effort, even if you are sharing a painful experience. This will leave you vulnerable but that’s the goal. Crash those high walls built within you by expressing your emotions to your partner or talking to a therapist. That’s how they can help you.

Learn How to Talk

When your partner opens up to you, how do you react? Do you lash out at them in anger? Do you raise your voice, find fault, or nah all day? Do you judge, criticize, or condemn your partner? Or do you calmly express your dissatisfaction and suggest your opinion?

There are times in your life when your partner would do things wrong or even offend you. But if your way to make yourself heard is by finding fault or complaining all day, you won’t make the situation better. You will make things worse. How we talk to our partners matters a lot. Your words can make or break them. It can even make them resent you if you go too far.

When challenges come up and you get annoyed, exercise some self-control when talking to your partner. This isn’t a time to lash out all day or condemn their actions, as it could affect their mental health. Instead, understand the situation, express your dissatisfaction appropriately, and get them to see things from your point of view. It all comes down to exercising emotional intelligence — understanding your partner, their emotions, and what to say at that particular time.

Engage in Quality Activities

With how busy life gets, you can find it hard to strengthen your bond with your partner. The best way to tackle this issue is to spend time engaging in quality activities.

These activities could be anything one or both of you have an interest in. It involves doing things together while giving each other undivided attention. It may even be an activity you don’t like or will require some sacrifice from you. But the goal is to achieve a sense of purpose with your partner.

“I love the fact that he was willing to do something with me.” “Oh! She did that with me with a positive attitude. ” That could be your sense of purpose.

Spending quality time with your partner builds experiences and memories that close the intimacy gap and create strong emotional bonds. Some examples of these activities include playing games, cooking, listening to music, shopping for groceries, gardening, cycling, or taking a long walk together.

Related: 7 Conflict Resolution Strategies in a Relationship

Express Gratitude

In many romantic relationships, it’s easy to ignore your partner’s little efforts and only speak up when things go south. Doing this repeatedly can project you as someone who only complains and never compliments.

As Dale Carnegie writes in his book — How to Win Friends and Influence People, “The greatest asset you possess and the way to develop the best that’s in a person is by appreciation and encouragement.” In other words, be generous with pleasant commentaries about your partner. Always tell them what you love about them and don’t forget to appreciate them for the little things they do.

Thank them for taking out the trash, preparing breakfast, mowing the lawns, taking care of the laundry, arranging the closet, and more. Expressing your gratitude multiple times a day increases intimacy with your partner.

Key Takeaways

Emotional intimacy doesn’t happen overnight. It’s an ongoing process that requires effort and commitment from both parties. If done successfully, it creates a deeper connection that results in a lasting relationship. Here are a few key points to nurture the relationship with your partner:

• Make an intentional decision with your partner and act toward it
• Make a deliberate effort to put all electronic devices when conversing with your partner
• Listen to your partner attentively
• Determine your emotions and express them
• Communicate without finding faults with your partner
• Engage in quality activities together
• Appreciate your partner