7 Conflict Resolution Strategies in a Relationship

Table of Contents

 

When we think of conflicts, we often view them as roadblocks to harmony and happiness, especially in romantic relationships. But what if we told you that some conflict resolution strategies can strengthen your relationship?

Conflicts, when handled effectively, can promote personal growth, improve communication, and increase intimacy between partners. In this article, we will explore the top seven conflict resolution strategies in relationships.

What’s Conflict Resolution in Relationships?

Conflict resolution occurs when couples address and resolve problems in their relationships. It involves identifying the source of the conflict, understanding the perspectives and interests of the parties involved, and finding a mutually acceptable solution.

On the one hand, couples can resolve relationship conflicts healthily and constructively to promote a stronger bond and prevent similar disputes in the future. On the other hand, couples can have bad conflict resolution techniques, making the situation worse.

Prolonged or repetitive conflict can harm the connection between both partners and impact the relationship. However, learning how to resolve conflicts healthily allows couples to connect deeper and create lasting bonds, promoting healthy relationships.

7 Conflict Resolution Strategies in a Relationship

Conflicts can be overwhelming in relationships and drive a wedge between partners. However, these seven strategies can help to navigate conflicts together in the relationship.

1. Communicate With Your Partner

As a person, suppressing your thoughts, feelings, or needs in a bid to avoid disagreements with your partner isn’t often the right approach in relationships. Although that may appear to be the ideal solution at that time, conflict avoidance results in unmet needs which could grow into resentment and affect the connection between both partners. A study revealed that 65% of communication problem is a common factor that result in divorce.

Healthy communication exposes these grievances and strengthens the bonds in relationships. Clear and meaningful dialogue about your needs or situation lets your partner know how to approach the problem differently. So, rather than expecting them to do or know something, opening up can make a difference.

Your communication skills should also go beyond expressing your thoughts to your partners. Your body language, tone of voice, and how you respond to your partner also matter. Strive to maintain a conversational tone when speaking to your partner.

Avoid raising your voice at them, as it could make them feel uncomfortable, disrespected, or threatened. Also, keep your body language respectful and engaged. With all these ingredients, you create a foundation that helps you stay emotionally connected and results in positive outcomes.

2. Avoid the Blame Game

In tense moments, it’s easy to blame your partner for something they said, did, or didn’t do. However, going down this lane is futile and will not yield a positive result. That’s because the other party taking the blame will feel attacked and strive to justify themselves. To make matters worse, they will focus on the blame, not the issue.

Imagine a scenario where a partner says, “You don’t do anything right!” This could cause the other person to go defensive, saying, “What do you mean I don’t do anything right? You’re the one who doesn’t do anything right.” What has happened here is a shift from the main issue to the blame.

So, how do you handle the situation even when you feel wronged? The answer is simple — avoid personal attacks, as it only results in the blame game. Although pointing an accusing finger at the other person is easy, it will only complicate the situation. Instead, exercise self-control and try to see the problem from the other person’s perspective.

Dale Carnegie (1986) cites Henry Ford’s quote: “If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.” This approach enables you to understand the person better and attend to their needs with empathy.

Additionally, use the “I” statements to express your feelings without blaming the other person. This enables you to focus on the main issue, not the blame. For instance, you can say “I feel disrespected when you go out with that man or woman.” This approach enables you to respect your partner’s emotions and viewpoints, even during disagreements and fosters a safe space for positive communication.

3. Practice Active Listening

Active listening in a relationship involves fully engaging with your partner when they speak and demonstrating genuine interest and empathy. To start, eliminate distractions by putting away devices and maintaining eye contact, which shows that you are focused on them.

As your partner shares their thoughts and feelings, resist the urge to interrupt; instead, allow them to express themselves completely. Listen actively and exercise emotional intelligence. Remember that you’re listening to understand and see things from their perspectives, and not to judge or respond inappropriately.

Once they finish speaking, paraphrase their key points to confirm your understanding and ask questions to clarify the situation. This approach will avoid misunderstandings and signal that you value their perspective.

Pay attention to their emotional reactions, such as tone and body language, and respond with empathy acknowledging their feelings even if you might disagree. With that, you create a safe space for open communication, fostering deeper emotional connections and reducing conflict in your relationship.

4. Stay Calm and Respectful

It may be difficult to stay calm and respectful during difficult conversations. You end up assigning blame, saying what you don’t mean, or doing something inappropriate. Most times, you can’t undo certain actions. This is why you need to stay calm and communicate openly.

Staying calm helps you focus on the discussion and find a solution rather than escalating the argument. Avoid yelling, name-calling, or using hurtful language, as these could make the other person feel attacked.

Also, consider taking breaks during heated moments and returning to the discussion later. Communicate with a respectful tone, as this could prevent you from saying or doing things you could regret. Staying calm during conflicts helps you think more rationally and resolve disputes in a healthy way.

5. Take Time to Reflect

If emotions are running high, taking a break and reflecting before continuing the conversation plays a vital role. This allows both parties to cool down, think more clearly, and approach the conflict with a more level-headed perspective. After some time, revisit the issue with a renewed focus on resolution.

This pause allows individuals to assess their emotions, gain clarity on the situation, and identify underlying issues that may have contributed to the conflict. Reflection enhances self-awareness, leading to more constructive communication and reducing the likelihood of blame or hostility. It fosters empathy by encouraging partners to appreciate each other’s perspectives and emotions.

6. Seek Compromise

Compromise involves finding a middle ground or reaching a settlement through mutual concession. In this case, you may need to give up some of your preferences or desires to meet the other person’s needs.

Compromise also involves finding solutions that address the needs of both partners. One side winning while the other losing isn’t acceptable, as that is manipulation.

Both partners must find what can equally work for them. This approach prevents resentment that could arise from one-sided resolutions. It allows you to consider each other’s perspectives and emotions, achieving mutual satisfaction and maintaining the relationship’s integrity.

Compromising in relationships reinforces the idea that both partners work together toward a common goal, thus strengthening their emotional bond and creating a deeper connection between the couples.

7. Seek Professional Help

When the conflicts in relationships become overwhelming, it’s okay to seek professional help. Getting a neutral third party involved can help couples process things, break free from old patterns or behaviors, and find a way to work through the conflict together. You can better understand each other’s needs while receiving the support needed to develop a good relationship.

A Couples’ Therapy Questions for Resolving Conflicts in Relationships

Many couples often argue about time, jealousy, finances, chores, sex, extended family, children, and other subject matters. To reconnect after the conflict, you need to give each other some space to cool off and process your recent conflicts before coming back to address the issue.

Once that’s done, each partner should take about 5 minutes to speak while the other simply listens. Ensure you focus on one issue at a time. That said, here are some questions to ask your partner when resolving conflicts:

Identify the Problems and Triggers

• What’s the recent problem(s) you had with your partner? What triggered them? Is it a lack of intimacy or how you handle finances?

List at least two things you and your partner argue about and identify the triggers.

Identify Your Emotions and Reactions

• How did you feel during the conflict?

Think about how you felt during the conflict. List those emotions: anger, pain, disappointment, frustration, and more. Identify the underlying emotions that contributed to your reactions.

• How did your partner feel about the conflict?

Ask them to describe the emotions they felt when the matter arose. How were those feelings different from yours? Have productive discussions and try to understand their perspective without interrupting or judging.

Discussion Point

• How do you each contribute to the problem?

Without blaming each other, identify the things you do that have not helped resolve the problem.

• Do you notice any unhealthy recurring patterns in your partner’s behavior?

Share some examples of these patterns and discuss how it affects your relationship.

Resolving the Conflicts

• How do you plan to address the unhealthy recurring patterns?

Based on the earlier discussion, identify how you intend to address and change these patterns.

• What do I need from my partner?

Most conflicts arise from unmet needs. List the things you need from your partner — physically, emotionally, financially, spiritually, and mentally.

• What does my partner need from me?

Your partner may also have some unmet needs. Identify and seek out ways to address them.

What are the mutual solutions that can help to meet the needs?

Identify these solutions and state how you will work towards implementing them.

Strengthening Your Bond

• How can you strengthen your emotional connection outside the conflicts?

Brainstorm ideas that can contribute to emotional intimacy.

• How do you prioritize quality time together?

Spend quality time with each other. Do you engage in conversations that make you laugh wholeheartedly? Or do you sit in silence while you admire the sunset together?

• What activities do you enjoy together and how can you incorporate them into your routine?

You and your partner should engage in activities that bring out your inner child. These activities include singing, cycling, taking walks, dancing, skydiving, reading books, and more.

Expressing Gratitude and Appreciation

• How do you show appreciation and affection for each other?

Compliment your partner for every little effort. Avoid complimenting them only when things are going well. Let them know you’re always there for them.

• Do you feel appreciated and supported by your partner? If not, how can they improve it?

Express the ways by which your partner can appreciate and support you. As a partner, take note of these things and act towards them.

Commitment to Growth

• Reaffirm your commitment to resolving conflicts whenever issues arise in your relationship.
• Discuss how you will continue working towards the solutions to have a successful relationship.

Key Takeaways

Though often uncomfortable, relationship conflicts can be a powerful catalyst for growth and deeper understanding between individuals. When two people experience conflict, they confront differing perspectives, needs, and emotions that may result in arguments. In situations like this, the ultimate goal isn’t to fight to win but to fight to resolve the issue(s).

A win-win outcome is possible when you both communicate healthily and listen without blaming or judging one another. We must use what we know about the other person to find solutions and commit to them with open hearts and minds.

These strategies and practical questions, reinforced with the desire to grow as a couple, can help to resolve conflicts and strengthen the bonds in your relationship.

FAQs

How do you know if a relationship conflict is healthy?

A relationship conflict is healthy when you still respect each other even in the midst of disagreements. You avoid talking down on each other or any form of abuse that could worsen the situation.

How do you know if a relationship conflict is unhealthy?

Unhealthy conflicts focus on personal attacks not issues. It involves blame-shifting, constant criticism, any form of abuse, stonewalling, or any other negative actions.

What to do when you are having conflicts with your partner?

Take a break and cool down before proceeding with the conversation. Communicate healthily, practice active listening, find common ground to the solution, and seek professional help if possible.