Author:
Funmito Obafemi
Relationships can be confusing, not because love is flawed, but because human emotions are complex. Sue Johnson explains we all crave emotional connection and security, and when that need feels threatened, we react in ways that even we don’t fully understand.
That’s why love can feel both beautiful and bewildering at the same time. It’s normal to wonder if your feelings have changed. Sometimes, feeling stuck or bored might mean something deeper is going on.
This uncertainty can be uncomfortable, but it doesn’t mean you’re flawed or your relationship is bad. People’s feelings can change over time. Recognizing this can help you understand yourself and your relationship better.
When love starts to fade, it becomes obvious through distance, silence, or a loss of excitement. Paying attention to these signs can help you see things more clearly. In this article, we’ll look at the top signs you’re not in love with your partner.
Falling out of love rarely happens overnight, though it can sometimes feel that way. In most cases, love fades slowly through missed connections, lack of effort, and unspoken resentment that builds over time.
You might wake up one day realizing you no longer feel the same spark, but the emotional distance often starts long before that moment. Research suggests that roughly one in five people report that their feelings of being in love have fallen out of love.
Falling out of love can occur when partners stop nurturing emotional closeness and physical connection. This shift is often gradual and linked to unmet needs, unresolved conflicts, or simply growing apart. Love thrives on shared effort; without it, affection can quietly slip into indifference.
Sometimes, the fading of love stems from emotional disconnection rather than a sudden change of heart. When couples stop engaging in moments of intimacy in relationships, it becomes harder to sustain the closeness that once felt natural. Rebuilding that bond takes patience, communication, and a willingness to rediscover each other.
Love doesn’t always end with one big moment. Sometimes it fades quietly, hidden beneath routine, stress, or emotional exhaustion.
When you’re no longer in love, your relationship often feels different, less vibrant, less connected, and more like coexistence than partnership.
Here are 20 common signs you’re not really in love anymore, and what they might reveal about your emotional state.
When you first fall in love, you often crave spending time with that person. However, as time passes and the initial infatuation fades, being together might feel exhausting or unnecessary.
You might find yourself preferring solo activities, hanging out with friends, or keeping busy to avoid being together. Esther Perel, a relationship expert, reveals that “Love rests on two pillars: surrender and autonomy.”
This means that our desire for closeness and connection coexists with our need for independence and personal space. If you notice your need for space is growing stronger, it could be a sign that your emotional connection with your partner is not being nourished.
When love fades, your partner’s needs stop feeling urgent. You no longer go out of your way to support or celebrate them. What once felt natural now feels like effort. As emotional intimacy declines, priorities shift, not out of spite, but indifference.
Remember when you used to share everything with your partner? The little victories, the frustrations, the dreams? Conversations may feel forced or shallow. You might avoid discussing meaningful topics because they lead to feelings of disconnection or indifference.
The Gottmans taught us that bids are the building blocks of healthy relationships. They are those meaningful daily endeavors when you invite your partner into your world and ask to enter theirs. Bids help you connect and differentiate your familial relationships from those you have with strangers at the market and the post office.
Love grows from small, thoughtful actions like checking in, surprising each other, and showing gratitude. When these gestures stop, the relationship can feel hollow. Consistent effort is what keeps affection alive and prevents indifference. If you stop making an effort, love can slowly fade away, leaving silence and emptiness between you and your partner.
You might catch yourself dodging calls, leaving the house earlier, or finding reasons to be away. Avoidance isn’t just physical, but it’s emotional, too. You stop sharing parts of your day or thoughts that once felt important. This is a subtle but strong sign your heart has already begun to disconnect.
Just because you fall in love with someone, that doesn’t mean that love will stay alive without nurturing your partnership.
You might notice a decline in curiosity about your shared future together. Discussing plans, goals, or dreams may feel pointless or even awkward, and that’s a sign that indicates that the bond between you and your partner is weakening.
Physical touch, such as hugging, cuddling, or kissing, is often a reflection of emotional closeness. When these gestures become less frequent, it can be a sign that the underlying connection has weakened.
Avoiding intimacy doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve stopped caring for the other person; rather, it might indicate that your emotional needs have shifted, creating a sense of disconnection.
In healthy, loving relationships, both partners are motivated to grow and improve for each other’s benefit. However, when love starts to fade, that motivation can vanish.
You might feel unenthusiastic about resolving conflicts or working on personal growth. This apathy can be a subtle yet significant indication that your feelings have shifted, and your emotional investment in the relationship has decreased.
While frequent arguing isn’t good for a relationship, never disagreeing isn’t always a sign of harmony either. When you stop sharing your concerns, thoughts, and feelings, it can mean you’ve become disconnected.
If you no longer care about the outcome, it’s easier to stay silent. This lack of engagement can be a sign that your heart is no longer invested in the relationship.
When love fades, empathy often fades too. You might stop feeling concerned when they’re upset or happy when good things happen to them.
You may still care about them in a general way, but emotionally, you’re no longer fully invested. Your concern becomes more about feeling comfortable than truly connecting with them.
When you’re in love, being vulnerable helps build trust. But when feelings start to fade, sharing your thoughts and feelings can feel pointless or too much effort. You might find yourself opening up to others instead of your partner. This emotional withdrawal is a strong sign that your connection is weakening.
With love declining, criticism can take over. Little things start to bother you more, and you might find yourself focusing on what your partner does wrong instead of what they do right. According to the Gottman Institute , this kind of criticism, along with contempt, defensiveness, and shutting down (stonewalling), are horsemen who contribute to conflicts in a relationship.
You might catch yourself daydreaming about other people or picturing a life without your partner. This doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to cheat, but it can be a sign that your emotional needs aren’t being met or that you’ve lost connection with your partner. Your mind searches for the excitement and connection that used to be there, but it’s missing.
When you’re in love, committing feels thrilling. But when love fades, commitment can feel overwhelming. You might hesitate to make plans or wonder if the relationship is worth it. Putting off big decisions can be a sign that you’re creating space between you and your partner.
Things your partner does that used to seem cute or okay might now really annoy you. You might find yourself getting frustrated or impatient easily. This frustration often comes from emotional exhaustion and also feeling like you’re pretending everything is fine when it’s actually not.
You might start noticing what others have that your partner doesn’t. That sudden realization needs to be studied. You might compare their personality, communication, or goals to your partner’s. This comparison often shows what’s missing in your current relationship.
Love helps you feel seen and understood. When it’s gone, you can feel alone even when you’re with your partner. This isn’t just boredom, but it’s a deep feeling of emotional emptiness.
The emotional bond that once made you two people feel close, understood, and valued has weakened or disappeared. Conversations begin to feel empty. You’re just talking, not really connecting.
Their absence made you miss them. Now, it brings you relief. You feel lighter, freer, and comfortable alone. Feeling relieved when your partner isn’t around often means emotional exhaustion has turned into detachment.
Canceling plans becomes your subconscious way of creating distance. You prioritize work, friends, or rest over time together because the relationship no longer energizes you. It’s a quiet but clear form of emotional withdrawal.
Love needs respect to thrive. When you start ignoring their opinions, mocking their choices, or losing admiration for who they are, love fades away. Respect keeps attraction alive, and without it, connection suffers.
If you notice several of these signs, it might mean you’re no longer in love. This doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is over, but it does mean something needs attention. Take time to reflect on whether this is a temporary phase or a deeper issue. You can also think back to when you first fell in love and compare those feelings to how you feel now.
It can be really painful to realize your partner doesn’t love you like they used to. This might not happen overnight, but rather through small changes in how they communicate with you, show affection, and pay attention to you. If you’re feeling disconnected or unsure, here are eight signs your partner’s love might be fading.
When love fades, intimacy often suffers first. You might notice your partner showing less affection, avoiding closeness, or not wanting to talk deeply. Esther Perel, who wrote Mating in Captivity, says, “When desire fades, it’s rarely about sex it’s about feeling disconnected.” If your partner stops seeking closeness, it might mean your emotional connection is weakening.
When you love someone, talking to each other feels easy and natural. It’s a regular part of your daily routine that keeps you close. But if your partner stops sharing their thoughts, gives short answers, or avoids serious conversations, it can mean they’re pulling away emotionally. Sometimes, not talking can have more meaning than actual words, and it can also mean your connection is fading.
When love fades, effort fades too. Your partner might stop checking in, cancel plans often, or seem uninterested in your day. Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship researcher as mentioned in his books, says “Couples who stop making each other a priority start living parallel lives.” Feeling unseen or deprioritized often means emotional attachment has shifted to other things like work, friends, or self-care.
In a healthy relationship, your partner naturally includes you in their future plans, from small activities to big decisions. However, if they start making plans without you, it might mean they don’t see you in their future.
This quiet exclusion can be a subtle sign that they’re shifting from “we” to “me”. If you’re wondering how to rebuild emotional connection, it can help to think about what makes someone love you. This involves small, thoughtful actions that help people reconnect when affection starts to fade.
When someone falls out of love, they often lose patience and warmth. Things that used to be cute or endearing, like your laugh or opinions, might start to annoy them. The emotional connection that once made you patient and forgiving weakens. This irritation is often a sign of emotional withdrawal. You’re no longer seeing your partner through affection. The lens you see them from now becomes frustrating, and that’s because the emotional closeness that softened those small flaws is missing.
Distance in a relationship isn’t always about fighting or avoiding each other. Sometimes, it’s a quiet feeling of disconnection that you can’t quite explain. Your partner might be physically close, but their mind and emotions are elsewhere.
According to psychotherapist Lori Gottlieb, “when someone pulls away emotionally, it’s usually because they don’t feel safe enough to be open and vulnerable.” Emotional distance often grows when love and trust aren’t being nurtured and prioritized.
If your partner starts spending more time away from your relationship, like working late, making plans alone, or being less at home, it might mean they’re pulling away emotionally before they physically leave. They might avoid you because being around you no longer feels satisfying or emotionally connected.
The biggest sign that something’s wrong might be feeling more alone with your partner than when you’re by yourself. Love brings a warm feeling that makes you feel seen, heard, and valued.
When this warmth fades, being together can feel empty. As Brené Brown, a research professor and writer, said, “Connection gives our lives purpose and meaning.” If you’ve been feeling alone in your relationship for a long time, it’s time to think about whether love is still there or just a memory.
If your partner’s behavior shows these signs, it doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is over, but something important has changed.
Recognizing these changes helps you decide what to do next. If you want to rebuild an emotional connection with your partner, understanding how to make someone fall in love with you should be the strategy.
Falling out of love doesn’t always mean the relationship has to end. Sometimes, it signals that both partners have drifted apart emotionally and need to rebuild their connection intentionally. Love is not only a feeling but also a daily practice of showing care, understanding, and effort. As therapist Esther Perel once said, “The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.
Emotional distance often grows in silence. The first step toward reconnection is opening up about what went wrong without blame or defense. Speak honestly about your feelings, fears, and unmet needs. Vulnerability invites healing and helps both partners feel seen again. It’s not always easy, but genuine dialogue can reignite trust.
Reflecting on the early days of your relationship can remind you why you fell in love in the first place. Recreate your first date, talk about your favorite memories, or share what initially drew you to each other. Small acts of nostalgia can help embrace warmth and appreciation that time may have dimmed.
Love thrives in shared growth. Try something new together, travel, learn a skill, share love quotes for her, or explore an activity you both find exciting. When couples engage in shared experiences, it releases dopamine, helping rekindle emotional and romantic bonds.
Physical affection and emotional closeness often fade when love begins to wane. Don’t rush intimacy in relationships; instead, rebuild it slowly with gentle touches, open affection, and consistent emotional presence. Small gestures like hugging longer, holding hands, or leaving kind notes can rebuild comfort and safety over time.
Make a conscious effort to appreciate your partner daily. Gratitude not only nurtures affection but also rewires your perspective toward love and appreciation. Compliment their efforts, notice their small acts of care, and verbalize it. When love feels lost, gratitude is one of the quiet ways to bring it back.
Sometimes, love fades not because of absence but because of overcloseness. Allowing space for individuality can make reconnection easier. Encouraging your partner’s personal growth while nurturing your own, healthy distance often creates a renewed sense of attraction and balance.
Long-term relationships change over time. To rebuild love, you might need to redefine what love means to you both now. It’s not about trying to recapture the same excitement, but about creating a stronger, more mature bond based on understanding, acceptance, and choice. You can use love quotes to remind yourselves what an emotional connection feels like.
Falling out of love can be painful, but it’s also one of the most honest turning points in any relationship. It forces you to look closely at what you want, what you’ve built, and whether you still share the same emotional path. Recognizing that you may no longer be in love doesn’t make you heartless; it makes you human.
Here are the core lessons to remember:
If you’re struggling to express your feelings, reading love quotes can help you find the words. A single quote might remind you of the love you had or the love you’re looking for.
You know you are not in love when the excitement fades, and spending time together feels like a chore. You stop sharing your thoughts, stop caring about your partner’s feelings, and start wanting more alone time.
Yes, you can fall out of love. It may not spring up suddenly, but instead gradually. If emotional needs aren’t met, communication becomes inefficient and lots more as described above, the feelings will fade.
Feeling numb in a relationship could be a sign of emotional exhaustion. Unresolved issues, resentment, or stress can make you feel detached. If feelings don’t return after trying out how to reconnect with your partner, it might be time to think about whether the relationship still fits with who you’re becoming
