Author:
Funmito Obafemi
Something feels off. The late replies, the change in phone behavior, the way he’s always excited to talk to you, and your sex life — but now everything feels different. Your gut tells you that your boyfriend is cheating, but you don’t want to appear paranoid to him.
Many people have been down this lane. They’ve experienced this nagging doubt that hints their partner is being unfaithful. But how do you know if your boyfriend is truly cheating? Let’s find out in this article.
Trust is the foundation of any monogamous relationship. If your boyfriend’s behavior starts changing all of a sudden, that should raise your concerns. After all, ignoring the red flags will only result in a more devastating heartbreak down the line.
Here are 9 telltale signs you should look out for if you think your boyfriend is cheating:
Imagine you have been in a committed relationship with your boyfriend for over a year. Initially, he was very open and communicative, often sharing details about little or important things. He discussed his thoughts and feelings and engaged in deep conversations with you.
However, as time passes by, you notice some changes. He suddenly becomes less communicative, responds late to messages, or avoids discussing his day. It’s okay to think your partner might be busy or preoccupied when he starts to ignore your attempts at communication.
Yes, we know life gets hectic and people need personal space. However, if this issue persists for a long time, that should raise legitimate concerns about his actions. Nobody is too busy for who they claim they love. Changes in communication patterns are indicators of guilt or emotional investment elsewhere.
A routine is a sequence of actions or procedures people perform at specific times. It provides stability and predictability, fostering a sense of security for both partners. You might be aware of your partner’s routine which is a good thing. However, when their usual routine changes, it becomes questionable.
A typical weekend routine for a boyfriend who visits his girlfriend might involve him arriving at her place on Friday evening after work, sharing dinner, and spending the night watching movies or relaxing. Or they could have breakfast together, and then go out for activities like shopping or visiting friends on Saturday.
However, when the affair began, he changed his routine and lived a double life. For instance, he arrives late on Friday evening without any clear explanation. During dinner, he may appear restless, wanting to quickly finish up things and retire to the room.
On Saturday, instead of spending time together as usual, he may hang out with friends more often or suggest activities that exclude her. He could also seem less enthusiastic about their shared plans or occasionally cancel them at the last minute. This inconsistency may suggest your boyfriend is cheating.
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If he has to hide his phone, then something is wrong somewhere. An honest partner isn’t secretive about his phone. Think about it. You swap saliva with your partner or even have sex, but his phone is where he draws the line.
He is no longer open to you as he was before. He becomes secretive about his phone or social media use, frequently hiding his screen or changing passwords. He tilts his phone away whenever he is with you or gets angry when you touch it.
This act of secrecy might tell you he is concealing something. Honest partners have no reason to hide their phones but a cheating partner does. It is very easy to show his phone if nothing is going on but a cheating boyfriend makes excuses or becomes hostile when you question his phone behavior.
A change in his routine can cause a switch in behavior, making him distant. Your boyfriend isn’t all over you as usual; he prefers being alone. He doesn’t quickly reply to texts as usual or dismiss conversations quickly. As time passes by, he slowly becomes a stranger.
The man who used to be passionate, intimate, romantic, and attentive has changed. You don’t feel the connection anymore and it sometimes feels like you’re forcing things to happen. The most common reason is that he’s already falling for someone else.
He gets so busy that he forgets to ask about your day. You don’t talk as often. He doesn’t show up at your place like before and won’t want you visiting too. It now seems he doesn’t want to have anything to do with you. He rarely checks on you. His feelings, attitude, and reaction towards you have changed. That might be because your boyfriend is cheating. Beware when he starts to be extra nice and buys you things out of nowhere just to compensate for his distance.
When you begin to suspect your partner of cheating and you confront them about it, they go into complete denial mode and start to make up excuses that might not add up.
Your boyfriend frequently makes vague or valid excuses for being late or unavailable, without providing specific details, raising suspicions about his honesty. These types of excuses hinder trust in a relationship.
To determine if your partner is genuinely sorry or just making excuses, observe his behavior and the content of his apology. A sincere apology includes four key components: acknowledgment of what they did wrong, an understanding of how it affected you, an expression of genuine remorse, and a clear intention not to repeat the behavior.
If he frequently uses phrases like “I’m sorry, but…” or shifts blame onto you or external circumstances, this indicates they may not be taking full responsibility. Genuine remorse is characterized by specific examples of their actions and the impact on your feelings, rather than vague statements. Also, watch for consistency in their behavior following the apology; true change should be evident over time without reverting to previous patterns.
Changes in sexual intimacy occur when his closeness to someone else disrupts your sex life. He tailors his efforts on the connection with his affair partner instead of yours. Since he is sexually involved with someone else, he doesn’t initiate sex as he used to.
These changes, whether a decrease or an increase, often signal underlying issues. When it decreases, there is a lack of intimacy due to the distraction by another partner, while more sex might be an attempt to cover up infidelity.
People described as irritable often display a quick temper and impatience, reacting negatively to minor annoyances. When someone is unfaithful, they may experience heightened stress and anxiety from the guilt of their actions, leading to increased irritability and mood swings. This emotional turmoil can manifest as defensiveness or criticism towards their partner, as they project their inner conflict onto the relationship.
It’s normal that when we have doubts in the relationship, we ask our partners. But instead of explaining and assuring you of his love, he acts defensively. Your questions or personal belongings irritate him because he is guilty. Now, he feels angry and confused.
Little things flare him up. Suddenly, your boyfriend becomes irritated whenever you become clingy to him. He begins to pick fights over trivial matters for no apparent reason, it could indicate that he is grappling with guilt or projecting his own insecurities. These behaviors collectively suggest something may be amiss in the relationship, warranting further conversation and reflection.
Projection occurs when someone who has done something wrong shifts the blame onto others, accusing them of the same behavior or assuming everyone else is engaging in it too. Since he cheats, he may start to believe you are also into it, accusing you of being unfaithful.
However, not all false accusations stem from projection. Sometimes, they’re driven by jealousy or insecurity. While this might seem different, it’s still concerning. These feelings often appear in people who cheat, as guilt or fear of being exposed can fuel suspicion.
A large number of people who discover their partners are cheating on them are already suspicious for reasons they can’t quite explain. Studies show that people can reliably detect lies unconsciously, even if they’re unable to discuss or consciously identify those lies.
If you have an uncomfortable feeling or a suspicion you can’t seem to justify, that might be your subconscious telling you that your partner is lying about something. Beyond tangible evidence, you just can’t shrug the feeling away or think you’re paranoid about the situation.
If it’s persistent, this could be your gut instinct telling you something and you should question it. An honest boyfriend will prove to you that he’s faithful and reassure you. However, an unfaithful one will leave you confused.
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When you discover that your boyfriend is cheating, it can be an emotionally devastating experience, leaving you uncertain about the next steps to take. Here are the best tips to follow:
Prioritizing yourself and your well-being is the first step when you discover your boyfriend is cheating. Acknowledge your emotions. It’s normal to feel hurt, betrayed, angry, or even confused, so allow yourself to process these feelings without judgment. Don’t suppress them, it will only make it harder to heal.
Next, try to be calm. You might be filled with rage, and anger and might even want to create a scene to inflict injury on him but you need to know that none of that will undo what has been done. You have to be in control of the situation.
Focus on self-care during this time. Take care of your physical and mental health — eat well, stay hydrated, get enough sleep, exercise, and engage in activities that bring you peace or joy. You shouldn’t look like the problem at hand.
You can’t control what people do to you but you can control how you react to it. Think about yourself because you need all the love you can give to yourself. This approach helps you to think properly about how to handle the situation.
Now that you are calm, it’s very important to approach the situation thoughtfully. You shouldn’t just rush into it, start by taking some time to process your emotions before confronting him. This allows you to gather your thoughts and express yourself clearly.
When you two feel ready to talk, choose a private and comfortable setting where you can have an open conversation without distractions. Express how you feel, using “I” statements to communicate your emotions without sounding accusatory. For example, you might say, “I felt hurt and betrayed when I learned about the cheating.” This approach helps him understand the impact of his actions on you.
Ask for his perspective. Give him the opportunity to explain what happened and why. Listen carefully to his words, but also pay attention to his body language and tone. This can provide insight into his sincerity and remorse.
After hearing him out, take time to reflect on what he says. Consider whether his explanations resonate with you and if he shows genuine remorse for his actions. It’s important to assess whether he is willing to take responsibility for his behavior and work on rebuilding trust.
If there is a need to speak to someone, please do so. You don’t have to bear the burden alone. Seek support from people you trust. Talk to trusted friends or family members if you need help navigating your emotions. Sometimes, sharing your feelings with someone who cares about you can provide clarity and comfort.
If you don’t have close connections, you can consider local or online communities, such as support groups or forums, where you can connect with others who may have gone through similar experiences. Focus on open communication and consistency — regularly checking in with people and being honest about your feelings will help strengthen these bonds quickly.
A decision whether to leave or stay in a relationship after discovering cheating is a personal decision that requires deep consideration of various factors. First, it’s essential to assess your emotional response to the betrayal. Infidelity often brings a whirlwind of feelings, including hurt, anger, and confusion. Understand how these emotions can affect you and provide clarity on whether you can envision a future with him.
Next, consider the context of the cheating. Was it a one-time mistake or part of a pattern? If he shows genuine remorse and a willingness to address the underlying issues that led to the infidelity, there might be a possibility for healing and rebuilding trust. Reflecting on your values is also important. If loyalty and commitment are non-negotiable aspects of your relationship philosophy, the choice is yours.
Be smart about the decisions you make. Decide what’s best for you. Remember not to make a decision out of fear or worries because they are going to mislead you. You should make that decision objectively. Weigh every angle of the situation. Don’t be in a hurry and make rash decisions. You don’t even have to decide if you are not yet in the right state of mind. Take your time and don’t let fear cloud your judgment.
Making a decision isn’t enough. You also need to act on it. If you decide to leave the relationship, that’s a great decision. You chose to prioritize your emotional well-being. Don’t feel bad about making the decision.
After all, your boyfriend should be someone you can trust. If the trust doesn’t exist, that’s a valid reason to leave. Someone who confuses you isn’t usually the best choice for you. You deserve someone who makes you rest in your femininity, not prompt you to fight. So, stay rigid about your decision, set relationship boundaries, and know that you made the best choice for yourself.
On the other hand, if you choose to stay and work through it, approach the situation with openness and honesty. Share how their actions have affected you and express your feelings clearly. It’s vital to listen to their perspective as well, but be cautious of accepting excuses that minimize the betrayal. Regardless of your choice, focus on healing and building a future that reflects what you truly want.
If you decide to rebuild your relationship, you’re best advised to seek a therapist. Many therapists are trained to be non-judgemental. Hence, they can help you process your emotions and find a way forward. A couples’ therapy will work through the underlying causes of these affairs, gain a deeper understanding of your relationship, and offer advice that will cause positive changes in the future.
If most of these signs feel uncomfortably familiar, it’s important to trust your instincts. While a single sign doesn’t confirm infidelity, you shouldn’t ignore a pattern of suspicious behavior. Cheating is a big deal in any primary relationship. Rather than letting doubt, fear, and anxiety wear you down, have an open conversation with your boyfriend. Pay attention to how he responds.
Above all, make your decision and stand on it. You deserve honesty, respect, and a relationship built on trust. If you’re not confident in his loyalty, you may need to reevaluate whether you truly want it. No matter what happens, always remember: you’re worthy of a love that doesn’t make you second-guess your worth.
