Author:
Funmito Obafemi
On this week’s edition of LoveLens stories, Ajayi and Janet, who have been married for 27 years, open up about their marriage built on faith, understanding, and perseverance. From humble beginnings to lasting love, their story offers timeless lessons for intending couples and those already walking the journey of marriage.
Ajayi: By the grace of God, we met in the church. We were both members of The New in Christ Evangelical Church, where we were both vibrant youths. In those days, we were taught to pray and seek God’s guidance before entering a relationship. It wasn’t about a man approaching a lady to ask her out or vice versa.
I went to God in prayer, and because God has given me the grace to see into the spiritual, He revealed her to me. I shared it with my pastor, and we prayed about it. And after some time, he called us to say it had been confirmed. That was how we began our courtship.
Janet: We were taught that when choosing a partner, we must pray. Before I got born again, I had someone I planned to marry, but God saved my life and changed my direction.
After salvation, I became more intentional — I didn’t want problems in marriage, especially after seeing many people go through terrible experiences. I prayed, and God revealed him to me. I went to my G.O. that time, we discussed it, and from there our courtship started.
Ajayi: Before we were led together, brothers and sisters in the church were not allowed to visit each other. We only met at youth forums and greeted each other.
There was a time when I had an apollo (conjunctivitis) and couldn’t attend church, so she got permission from our church leader to see me. When she visited, she stayed at the door to check on me. Even though we had been courting for two years, she only visited me once.
Our courtship was the time we began to know each other. That was when I started to see the qualities God showed me. I had nothing, as I was just a private school teacher, but I told her I had a call from God and would one day be a pastor, which she accepted.
Her calmness, obedience, and willingness to learn confirmed that she was the woman I would spend the rest of my life with. We began courting in September 1996 and married in November 1998.
Janet: I always wanted peace of mind. Anything that would disturb my happiness was a no for me. Even though he had nothing then, I could see a bright future. That assurance gave me peace.
Also read: From WhatsApp Chats to Wedding Vows
Ajayi: What I love most about her is her humility. She still kneels to show respect, whether it’s to greet or serve food. I don’t force her to do it. If I correct her, she adjusts immediately, and that alone makes me give my all to her.
Her perseverance is top-notch because we met when I had nothing. In fact, after our marriage, things were not rosy. We would make monetary contributions (ajo) to support each other. I was sick for two years, which involved vomiting blood.
I lost my job, stayed unemployed for four years, and owed house rent during that period. During these periods, she never complained. Instead, she supported and encouraged me.
Also, she is generous. She never hid her money from me. When God finally changed our story, I told her it was time to harvest all the goods she had sown. There’s nothing a woman wants that I’ve not given to her. I bought a car for her and gave her land to build a house. In short, I’ve been making her happy because she has tried a lot.
Janet: My husband is very caring, not only to me but also to the children. If we need anything at home, he provides it. He doesn’t joke with relationships. He goes the extra mile to make sure we are fine. He is principled and hates cheating.
If you’re a couple and would love to share your story, fill out this form.
Ajayi: I’ve said a few of them. Our first major challenge was abject poverty. We didn’t start in affluence because there was no one to help from either side.
There is a difference between an “apatadide” (one who came from the rock) person and a “aterofodide” (one who came from a muddy swamp) person. While the former has the rock to lean on, the latter has nothing and could be pulled back. I was the latter. Only Jesus came to our rescue.
After that, we experienced a delay with childbirth. Our first child could have been our third child, as we waited four years after marriage. We sought help, but we got lots of insults from family and church members. We had people question our God, but we kept on, held one another, and continued praying.
As if that wasn’t enough, a serious illness struck me. It got to a stage that my wife would wake up at midnight to rest her head on my chest to feel my heartbeat. I would reassure her I wouldn’t die. We tried everything we knew, but ultimately, mercy (through Christ) came and redeemed my life.
So, the beginning of our marriage was so rough, but the turning point came the year we welcomed our son. From that moment, our story began to change. What once felt like endless hardship slowly gave way to hope, restoration, and breakthrough.
Ajayi: I love that question because some people would think we don’t have disagreements because we are Christians. That’s false. Many factors contribute to disputes due to individual differences.
First, we came from different backgrounds. For instance, I grew up as a reverend’s son, living almost my entire life in a mission house. My wife, on the other hand, came from a polygamous home. Her father, who was a Muslim, had three wives and many children. All of these naturally shaped how we saw life and handled situations.
Despite this, we made a firm decision from the very beginning that we would never report each other to a third party in times of conflicts — no family members, pastor, or outsiders. When disagreements arise, we call ourselves into the bedroom and talk. If emotions begin to escalate, we pause the conversation and return to it later when we are calmer.
She tends to withdraw sometimes, but she knows I won’t let communication break down. I let her understand that we must talk to each other even during disagreements. We made sure there was never a communication gap, and that has helped us maintain peace. In fact, people around us wonder if we don’t have disagreements because we don’t involve third parties in our affairs.
We had agreed during courtship to build a heaven-on-earth home, one without third-party interference. After all, if we involve families, hers would support her, mine would help me. That would cause problems in the marriage. In fact, even our children don’t take sides; they know we will always resolve our issues.
By God’s grace and through mutual understanding, we’ve learned from each other. I know what she wants, and she knows me, too. That understanding has reduced disagreements to the barest minimum.
Janet: My husband is a peacemaker. I tend to keep things to myself, but he doesn’t like silence. He even has a small signal, which is a gentle cough, that tells me it’s time to talk when I attempt to withdraw into myself. Once he does that, we settle whatever is between us.
He doesn’t like it when I walk away while he’s talking, and because I value peace in my home, I listen and follow his lead. I also dislike arguments in front of the children. I know what he likes and what he doesn’t. I’ve learned that if I truly want peace in my home and don’t want anyone to intervene, I do what he likes. I listen and adjust to his suggestions.
Also read: A random day at work became the beginning of our union
Ajayi: From the onset, our home is built on faith. Even when we had nothing and no one to lean on, we believed we still had a future. After we got married and there was a delay in childbirth, we returned to prayer.
At some point, a pelvic scan revealed that my wife had cysts and fibroids. The doctor said the removal would require surgery or divine intervention. We couldn’t afford the surgery. Instead of giving in to fear, we brought the medical report before God.
We praised Him, worshipped Him, and thanked Him in advance for about an hour. After that, we burned the medical report and believed the issue was already resolved. And God did it. She became pregnant, and the scan didn’t show the cysts or fibroids. That was the role faith played in getting a child.
We also trusted God for a financial breakthrough. At first, I worked as a private school teacher, but later lost my job. For four years, there was no job, and it was the proceeds from her shop that sustained us. Through fasting and prayer, God sent a friend who blessed us with N200,000 (~ $1,500) in 2003.
With divine guidance, we started a small school with just about five children in January 2004. From there, we witnessed an increase, bought the building and the land, and built on it. We eventually added a secondary school and an annex. Everything came solely through faith. We had no one to rely on but God, and to this day, we are still holding on to Him.
Janet: The beginning was extremely tough, but we relied on faith. Before our wedding, I traveled to Lagos to borrow white shoes from a friend who had just gotten married.
Not only that, I borrowed a leather box from a church member because my husband couldn’t afford one. A family member gifted us a foam, and the only thing we could afford ourselves was my wedding gown.
My father later returned the bride price, which I used to buy a carpet. It was a very humble beginning, but I believed strongly that God chose my husband for me. I could see his future, and I knew that together, we would achieve great things. Alongside prayer, fasting, and trusting God completely, he stepped in and turned our story around for good.
Ajayi: Marriage taught us adjustment and growth. Simple things like food preferences required wisdom and compromise. For instance, I love anything prepared with beans (moi moi, akara, beans) while my wife prefers rice. Nonetheless, I eat whatever she prepares. We’ve learned to blend our differences, eat together, and accept each other with love.
The character traits we both had before marriage are still there; we’re just building on them and growing. Our love for each other keeps increasing day by day. One area I’ve been working on with her is communication. When we argue, she sometimes keeps quiet, and I encourage her to talk.
Also, I grew up in a non-peaceful environment where my parents would quarrel. I prayed that my marriage would be different, and thank God for answering my prayers. This woman has given me peace of mind for the past 27 years. Most of the traits we have are positive, and we keep growing in them.
Janet: Regarding food, we would eat together. Coming from different backgrounds, mission-house upbringing on one side and a polygamous home on the other also shaped us differently.
Besides, I’m the kind of person who would greet almost everyone. This has helped me as a pastor’s wife. As time went by, my husband adjusted and would wait while I greeted. Learning to walk at the same pace, literally and figuratively, required patience. With time, wisdom, and God’s help, we learned how to blend our lives beautifully.
Ajayi: Understanding each other. The greatest asset isn’t love but understanding. You can’t love someone if you don’t understand them. After all, people start with love and kill each other or beat each other to a stupor. So, study the person to understand the person.
It’s the foundation of marriage because love alone is not enough. When you truly understand a person’s strengths, weaknesses, dos and don’ts, love naturally grows from there.
Intending couples shouldn’t be blind to their partner’s behavior. They must pay attention to patterns, not excuses. If someone does not show up for you now, that is a preview of what marriage may look like.
For instance, if someone raises their voice at you during an argument, that person could beat you during marriage. Or if you gift someone during their birthdays and they complain about a lack when it’s time for yours, that’s a red flag.
If they have to lend the money, they should do it to make their partner happy. Messages aren’t enough, as they suggest the person would be stingy in marriage.
As a person, don’t ignore red flags; instead, observe reactions, attitudes, and responses. That’s why courtship is essential to studying your partner. A broken courtship is better than a broken marriage because the children often suffer from the consequences.
So, understanding matters. Don’t be blind to their behavior; understanding must come first so you can discover their traits.
Janet: Intending couples must take the time to get to know each other honestly. They should be patient with one another and remain humble. Don’t talk to yourself anyhow. Pride has no place in marriage. For wives, submission and obedience help preserve peace and harmony in the home. Acknowledge him as your head.
Ajayi: One thing I’d like to add is that husbands, as the head of the home, should intentionally build a strong relationship with their wives and children.
I’ve observed from interviews and social media that men are abandoned in old age. The problem with these men is that, in their younger years, they didn’t cultivate good relationships with their wives and children.
The bond between a mother and her children often comes naturally, through carrying them in the womb and nurturing them, but a father must intentionally build his own bond. When you invest love into your family, none of them will abandon you in your old age.
For the sake of the future, husbands should work at building a strong, loving relationship with their wives and children. When there is a solid bond with your wife, it naturally reflects in your relationship with the children.
Janet: Couples should never let money come between them. Money is like paper. A husband must provide for the wife and the children. Learn how to use resources efficiently.
A wife must also learn how to care for her husband honestly. See your husband as your coach and firstborn. When you understand him this way, it becomes easier to love, support, and take good care of him. When he doesn’t have financial support, support him.
If you’re a couple and would love to share your story, fill out this form.
